Virus Alert

[LUFPAN]

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.
This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Update: After extensive testing it has been concluded that
Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require a more generous application.

[Sacred Ground]

NEW VIRUS:

Just got this in from a reliable source. It seems there is a virus called
the "Senile Virus" that even the most advanced programs of Norton and
McAfee cannot take care of, so be warned! The virus appears to
affect those of us who were born before 1965!


Symptoms of the Senile Virus:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send e-mail back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach attachments.
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the e-mail.


God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway...
The good fortune to run into the ones I do...
And the eyesight to tell the difference!!!

Now that I'm 'older' (But refuse to grow up), Here's what I've discovered:

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...

Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.