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GoOwls
09-13-2011, 12:57 PM
A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale'. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

"I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

“Because he's a liar. He never did any of that crap.”

pied
09-13-2011, 01:18 PM
solid. I'd give it a 6.5/7.0 out of 10.

GoOwls
09-13-2011, 03:49 PM
solid. I'd give it a 6.5/7.0 out of 10.

gracias, mi amigo.

Firebird
09-13-2011, 04:03 PM
So a ventriloquist is driving out in the country in Central Texas and sees a rancher baling hay out in the field. He notices that the pickup truck in the gravel drive has a big "Texas A&M" sticker on the back and decides this is a chance to have a bit of fun and practice his trade.

He pulls into the drive, gets out and walks over to the man and says "Hey, do you mind if I talk to your steer?"

The Ag looks at him like he's lost his mind and says, "I guess not, but I don't think he'll have anything to say back, mister..."

The ventriloquist says "We'll see" and walks over to the steer. He says "Hey there friend, what can you say about the way your owner treats you."

The steer "answers"-- "Well, not much to complain about I guess. There's plenty of grass and water, hay when I need it, and every now and he keeps me de-wormed. I'm still a bit angry about my 'operation' a while back, but that's in the past."

Well, the old Aggie rancher's eyes just about pop out of his head. The ventriloquist asks if he can talk to the horse next, and the rancher answers "Well, I've never heard him talk either, but you can give it a shot today."

The ventriloquist walks over to a horse in a different pasture and asks "Hello buddy, how are you? How does this gentleman treat you?"

The horse "answers"-- "Things are great. He hardly ever rides me anymore, I just take it easy. Every now and then he brings me an apple or a salt lick. Life is easy street for me."

Well at this point the Ag's jaw is on the ground. The ventriloquist looks around and says "why don't we go talk to some of your sheep over there."

The rancher answers "Hold on a minute. Those sheep do talk, but they're liars."

pied
09-13-2011, 04:45 PM
Same joke, but a funnier punch line. I'd go 8.0, but give it a 9.0 because of the self deprecating nature.

GoOwls
09-13-2011, 05:27 PM
Same joke, but a funnier punch line. I'd go 8.0, but give it a 9.0 because of the self deprecating nature.

aggy butt licker....give back your Horn card....NOW!!!!! :D :rofl: