How far would you go---

[Firebird]

A debate I am having on the main board led me to post this. I would like feedback from ya'll especially parents:

How far would you go to see your child advance in athletics and possibly earn a scholarship, and maybe, just maybe, turn pro. Lets say your child is 13 and a coach sees a lot of promise. Would you:

1. Fudge on your child's residency so he could go to a better athletic school in town?

2. Move to a nearby community?

3. Move to a distant community? What if it meant relocating another child or spouse who did not want to leave?

4. Spend a good deal of the year living apart from your spouse?

5. Send the child to live at an intensive training facility alone?

6. Go into debt to pay for your child's training, travel, etc, etc, expenses?

7. Force another child to drop his or her activities because there isn't enough time/money for both?

Let me get your feedback. I have known, personally, people who have done all of these things. What, if any, are appropriate?

[yankee]

A debate I am having on the main board led me to post this. I would like feedback from ya'll especially parents:

How far would you go to see your child advance in athletics and possibly earn a scholarship, and maybe, just maybe, turn pro. Lets say your child is 13 and a coach sees a lot of promise. Would you:

1. Fudge on your child's residency so he could go to a better athletic school in town?

2. Move to a nearby community?

3. Move to a distant community? What if it meant relocating another child or spouse who did not want to leave?

4. Spend a good deal of the year living apart from your spouse?

5. Send the child to live at an intensive training facility alone?

6. Go into debt to pay for your child's training, travel, etc, etc, expenses?

7. Force another child to drop his or her activities because there isn't enough time/money for both?

Let me get your feedback. I have known, personally, people who have done all of these things. What, if any, are appropriate?
i cant believe parents would want to do something that desperately for their kids.

[Reaganrattler07]

Yankee, you'll understand when you have your own child(ren)

[Firebird]

Do you have any, Rattler?

[SeguinMatadors]

A debate I am having on the main board led me to post this. I would like feedback from ya'll especially parents:

How far would you go to see your child advance in athletics and possibly earn a scholarship, and maybe, just maybe, turn pro. Lets say your child is 13 and a coach sees a lot of promise. Would you:

1. Fudge on your child's residency so he could go to a better athletic school in town?

2. Move to a nearby community?

3. Move to a distant community? What if it meant relocating another child or spouse who did not want to leave?

4. Spend a good deal of the year living apart from your spouse?

5. Send the child to live at an intensive training facility alone?

6. Go into debt to pay for your child's training, travel, etc, etc, expenses?

7. Force another child to drop his or her activities because there isn't enough time/money for both?

Let me get your feedback. I have known, personally, people who have done all of these things. What, if any, are appropriate?

I would do number 1 for sure.
Number 2 for sure.
3 probably.
4, never.
5, never... I would pay all the money needed to have a solid personal trainer and training facilities close to home.
6, for sure.
7, only if my son was in ballet.

[Reaganrattler07]

Do you have any, Rattler?

*Chuckle*, I just turned 18.....but I'm aware of the bond between a parent and a child though. Although I've never felt it from the parent end.

But no, I do not....and hopefully won't for another 8-10 years....

[lonny23]

I would do number 1 for sure.
Number 2 for sure.
3 probably.
4, never.
5, never... I would pay all the money needed to have a solid personal trainer and training facilities close to home.
6, for sure.
7, only if my son was in ballet.
Why don't you want him to follow in your footsteps?:p

[ktCarl]

1. No
2. No
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. No
7. No

My son made it to A&M Kingsville(Javalinas) for baseball and then quit before his 1st season. He said he was fed up with it. Glad I didn't do 1 thru 7.

[lonny23]

A debate I am having on the main board led me to post this. I would like feedback from ya'll especially parents:

How far would you go to see your child advance in athletics and possibly earn a scholarship, and maybe, just maybe, turn pro. Lets say your child is 13 and a coach sees a lot of promise. Would you:

1. Fudge on your child's residency so he could go to a better athletic school in town?

2. Move to a nearby community?

3. Move to a distant community? What if it meant relocating another child or spouse who did not want to leave?

4. Spend a good deal of the year living apart from your spouse?

5. Send the child to live at an intensive training facility alone?

6. Go into debt to pay for your child's training, travel, etc, etc, expenses?

7. Force another child to drop his or her activities because there isn't enough time/money for both?

Let me get your feedback. I have known, personally, people who have done all of these things. What, if any, are appropriate?
1. No, it's not honest. I will never like that one.
2. I would be willing to do this.
3. I would do it if the spouse was OK with it.
4. Living apart from the old spouse was desirable.:D That stuff only works if both people agree to it.
5. It's better if the kids get to stay at home.
6. I'm willing to do it for the kids.
7. No, it's not fair to make one kid suffer unless they agree to it.

[dragons08]

*Chuckle*, I just turned 18.....but I'm aware of the bond between a parent and a child though. Although I've never felt it from the parent end.

But no, I do not....and hopefully won't for another 8-10 years....
dude you can legally pursue miss kitty

[lonny23]

dude you can legally pursue miss kitty
There are plenty of people who can legally pursue Miss Kitty. It's like peeing into the wind, though.:D

[dragons08]

There are plenty of people who can legally pursue Miss Kitty. It's like peeing into the wind, though.:D
never tried it, im smart enough to know i'll have multi-colored shorts if i did that

[lonny23]

never tried it, im smart enough to know i'll have multi-colored shorts if i did that
It's almost as good as an electric fence.

[stevefoxsc]

this thread has been officially hijacked by the miss kitty organzation!:eek:

[Firebird]

I am adding some more and modifying some:

1. Compel/encourage/allow your child to take performance enhancing drugs.
2. Compel/encourage/allow your child to take part in a training regimen against medical advice.
3. Sacrifice a "sure" college education (ie, you could save the money, or you could spend it) for two children for the shot at a scholarship for one.
4. Compel your child to compete against his or her wishes.
5. Sacrifice the amount of time you spend with one child in order to put all your effort into getting the other one as far as possible with athletics.

Yet again, all are examples taken from real life.

[Miss Kitty]

I am adding some more and modifying some:

1. Compel/encourage/allow your child to take performance enhancing drugs.
2. Compel/encourage/allow your child to take part in a training regimen against medical advice.
3. Sacrifice a "sure" college education (ie, you could save the money, or you could spend it) for two children for the shot at a scholarship for one.
4. Compel your child to compete against his or her wishes.
5. Sacrifice the amount of time you spend with one child in order to put all your effort into getting the other one as far as possible with athletics.

Yet again, all are examples taken from real life.

1. NO
2. Maybe
3. No
4. Yes. My rule is, if you start something, you finish it. If you get half way through the season and decide you don't like it. TOUGH!
5. You find a way to make it all work.

[Firebird]

I am modifying number 4, so that it is more clear. Your child makes this statement to you:

"Mom/Dad. I absolutely hate playing___________. I don't enjoy the sport, I don't enjoy the pressure you put on me, and I would rather try something else. I am willing to finish the season, or keep playing until it is time for you to pay leauge dues again, but after that, I want out."

Miss Kitty, my mom had the same rule. You finish the season, because you made a commitment.

What medical advice would you be willing to ignore?

[Miss Kitty]

I am modifying number 4, so that it is more clear. Your child makes this statement to you:

"Mom/Dad. I absolutely hate playing___________. I don't enjoy the sport, I don't enjoy the pressure you put on me, and I would rather try something else. I am willing to finish the season, or keep playing until it is time for you to pay leauge dues again, but after that, I want out."

Miss Kitty, my mom had the same rule. You finish the season, because you made a commitment.

What medical advice would you be willing to ignore?

In that instance, she had tried something and been able to make a good decision about whether or why she doesn't like it. So that would be fine. Our kids are their own people. Parents mess up when they try to mold the kids to be what they want them to be instead of letting the kids figure it out with parental guidance. But in your statement above, if the kid comes to you with this reasoning, then the lesson was well learned. Commit and follow through until the proper time to move on.

As far as medical advice. I am the worlds worse about ignoring medical advice. I was of the generation of tearing up a knee, going to the training room at half time, getting a local shot, and going back out on the court for the second half. No pain, no problem. I pay for it now, believe me. But still, I think we sometimes know our bodies capabilities and limits better than medical personal. They have to give you the generic rule and diagnosis. But each of us is different. So not on all things, but on some things I might be more willing to make an assesment on my daughters behalf if I didn't think it would cause any further or long term damage. Sometimes a doctor will tell you that you can not participate. Not so much because of further injury, but because it my cause you some pain. Well sometimes you have to play throught the pain. And if you can wrap/brace the injury to protect it, and learn to deal with the pain, you need to get a little tough.

[Firebird]

I can see that one, Miss Kitty. I too played through some pain and did some things a doctor didn't advise. But I was thinking of some of the more extreme instances, where the Dr. said in no uncertain terms "If you continue to force your child to do these things, he WILL need more surgeries in a few years, and he WILL have permanant damage that affects his mobility. He is growing right now and his knees are not able to handle the stress he is putting on them" Sure enough, mom didn't relent, the kid now walks with a limp and can't enjoy, even at a limited level, the sport he once loved. It is sad. Keep in mind that our fictional child is 13-- injuries to joints can be absoultely devastating at this age.

[Miss Kitty]

I can see that one, Miss Kitty. I too played through some pain and did some things a doctor didn't advise. But I was thinking of some of the more extreme instances, where the Dr. said in no uncertain terms "If you continue to force your child to do these things, he WILL need more surgeries in a few years, and he WILL have permanant damage that affects his mobility. He is growing right now and his knees are not able to handle the stress he is putting on them" Sure enough, mom didn't relent, the kid now walks with a limp and can't enjoy, even at a limited level, the sport he once loved. It is sad. Keep in mind that our fictional child is 13-- injuries to joints can be absoultely devastating at this age.


No, remember, I said if it would not create further or future damage. Like I said, I would do ANYTHING to play when I was young. And I am paying for it now. I would not want my girls to go through that. But I still think the lesson is important. My oldest knows the "show must go on" no matter what. And there are people all over Katy who will attest to the fact that she has executed that belief more than once. My youngest is the same. It is my role as their parent to guide that and make sure they are not hurting themselves. My problem is not making them play or perform with injury, but keeping them from it.

[Firebird]

Agreed. Unfortunately, I have seen far to often parents who won't do that.

[Miss Kitty]

Agreed. Unfortunately, I have seen far to often parents who won't do that.

I am by far not a perfect parent, but I have done okay. I became a mom at 20, and though young, I vowed then that I would not live through my kid. I had my life to live and she had hers. It killed my dad, the coach, that she was not a jock. With her height and extensions, volleyball and basketball, were a given. Well, not so much. And I accepted that and love her for who she is. Too many parents don't to that. And when their kids grow up and have to "find themselves", the parents have NO ROOM to get upset about that. If they would have let the kids kind of figure that out when they were younger it would be much easier. I know so many people who got half way through college, and changed majors to something totally different, because they started out doing what their parents wanted them to do and not what they really wanted to do. And by doing that they lost allot of credits, etc.

[lonny23]

I am modifying number 4, so that it is more clear. Your child makes this statement to you:

"Mom/Dad. I absolutely hate playing___________. I don't enjoy the sport, I don't enjoy the pressure you put on me, and I would rather try something else. I am willing to finish the season, or keep playing until it is time for you to pay leauge dues again, but after that, I want out."

Miss Kitty, my mom had the same rule. You finish the season, because you made a commitment.

What medical advice would you be willing to ignore?
Don't play volleyball with a cast on your leg!:p

Maybe it being unsafe to walk without getting injured!:p

Oh, you mean her kids!:D

[Tigerjag]

1. Fudge on your child's residency so he could go to a better athletic school in town?
No way.

2. Move to a nearby community?

Absolutely. When they were drawing the new attendance zones for cinco ranch, we were in a couple of the proposals to go to cinco. We were already looking at houses that would be in the Katy attendance zone no matter which proposal the School Board chose. No way were we going to have younger son at cinco! They kept our sub-division at Katy and we are in the far southeast corner of the zone, closer to cinco and taylor than we are Katy. But both boys have graduated now.

3. Move to a distant community? What if it meant relocating another child or spouse who did not want to leave?

Maybe, but that would have to be a BIG payoff later. I'd lean toward no.

4. Spend a good deal of the year living apart from your spouse?

Maybe.

5. Send the child to live at an intensive training facility alone?

With my sons, this would have never happened. We all would have had to relocate there, especially at age 13. So, no.

6. Go into debt to pay for your child's training, travel, etc, etc, expenses?

Duh... yes.

7. Force another child to drop his or her activities because there isn't enough time/money for both?

No way! Uh... see #6!

I have no problem with families buying a new house and moving somewhere that they think is better for their children, whether it's for athletic or educational purposes. That's a committment and the family does contribute to the community by making that committment.

I do have a problem with families saying their kid is living with grandma or another "relative" in a different attendance zone, just so he can participate in sports at another school.

[Firebird]

I am having fun with this, so lets here are a few more. Same 13 year old, only this time, you are at a game-- little league, jr. high football, club soccer, whatever. Would you ever:

1. Cuss a ref from the stands? In person, after the game?
2. Give your child's coach grief for enforcing an "everybody plays rule"?
3. Shout out that a teamate "sucks", or something similar? Tell a parent his or her child sucks? Cuss a teamate for making a critical error in the game? A small error?
4. Yell at the coach for not starting your child?
5. Cuss your child for making a critical error? A small error?
6. Stand behind the bench to give midgame advice/coaching to your child, or a teammate?
7. Cuss out an opposing team's player, or tell him he sucks, etc?

[lonny23]

1. Fudge on your child's residency so he could go to a better athletic school in town?
No way.

2. Move to a nearby community?

Absolutely. When they were drawing the new attendance zones for cinco ranch, we were in a couple of the proposals to go to cinco. We were already looking at houses that would be in the Katy attendance zone no matter which proposal the School Board chose. No way were we going to have younger son at cinco! They kept our sub-division at Katy and we are in the far southeast corner of the zone, closer to cinco and taylor than we are Katy. But both boys have graduated now.

3. Move to a distant community? What if it meant relocating another child or spouse who did not want to leave?

Maybe, but that would have to be a BIG payoff later. I'd lean toward no.

4. Spend a good deal of the year living apart from your spouse?

Maybe.

5. Send the child to live at an intensive training facility alone?

With my sons, this would have never happened. We all would have had to relocate there, especially at age 13. So, no.

6. Go into debt to pay for your child's training, travel, etc, etc, expenses?

Duh... yes.

7. Force another child to drop his or her activities because there isn't enough time/money for both?

No way! Uh... see #6!

I have no problem with families buying a new house and moving somewhere that they think is better for their children, whether it's for athletic or educational purposes. That's a committment and the family does contribute to the community by making that committment.

I do have a problem with families saying their kid is living with grandma or another "relative" in a different attendance zone, just so he can participate in sports at another school.
You must live pretty close to Miss Kitty.

[Miss Kitty]

I am having fun with this, so lets here are a few more. Same 13 year old, only this time, you are at a game-- little league, jr. high football, club soccer, whatever. Would you ever:

1. Cuss a ref from the stands? In person, after the game?
2. Give your child's coach grief for enforcing an "everybody plays rule"?
3. Shout out that a teamate "sucks", or something similar? Tell a parent his or her child sucks? Cuss a teamate for making a critical error in the game? A small error?
4. Yell at the coach for not starting your child?
5. Cuss your child for making a critical error? A small error?
6. Stand behind the bench to give midgame advice/coaching to your child, or a teammate?
7. Cuss out an opposing team's player, or tell him he sucks, etc?


1. Guilty
2. Thought about it strongly
3. No
4. NO
5. NO, been there, had that done to me, not cool
6. Don't have to stand there, she looked up in the stands at me.
7. Not as a parent :D

[Firebird]

For those of ya'll who would go into debt. I am not judging, just curious- How far into debt would you be willing to go? Risk losing the car or house? Would you dip into an existing college fund, that you started for your child before you knew he would be a prodigy? Dip into a retirement fund? Or just rack up a little extra on the plastic?

I ask this because my father is a creditors attorney, and I know first hand the misery ill-advised debt can wreak on people's lives.

[Firebird]

I have to speak up here about the referees. I know that they can make some real bonehead errors, but, since I have had family memberes volunteer as youth sports refs, I gotta bring up the following:

A. They aren't usually getting paid, and if they are, it is peanuts.
B. If they don't take the time to read the rules and volunteer, the games don't get played, and you don't get to watch your child compete.
C. They have to do this job in front of parents, all of whom think their child can do no wrong, and all of whom are just waiting to see them make a mistake.

Give some love to the youth sports refs. I can think of one, and only one case that they deserve to get chewed out. If they have a relative, or close connection to one team, and are obviously throwing the game. That is despicable in youth sports.

Otherwise, if they are simply a crummy referee, then the following solution is in order. You, yourself, go learn the rules and pass any exams, and volunteer to officate for one season. After just one, you will never again cuss out a referee.

[Miss Kitty]

I have to speak up here about the referees. I know that they can make some real bonehead errors, but, since I have had family memberes volunteer as youth sports refs, I gotta bring up the following:

A. They aren't usually getting paid, and if they are, it is peanuts.
B. If they don't take the time to read the rules and volunteer, the games don't get played, and you don't get to watch your child compete.
C. They have to do this job in front of parents, all of whom think their child can do no wrong, and all of whom are just waiting to see them make a mistake.

Give some love to the youth sports refs. I can think of one, and only one case that they deserve to get chewed out. If they have a relative, or close connection to one team, and are obviously throwing the game. That is despicable in youth sports.

Otherwise, if they are simply a crummy referee, then the following solution is in order. You, yourself, go learn the rules and pass any exams, and volunteer to officate for one season. After just one, you will never again cuss out a referee.

I didn't direct it to the refs. It was a rant at home after and not in front of my kid either. Sorry I wasn't specific. It was a situation of one ref calling every little nit picking thing and the other not calling anything so the kids could play. So they did more bickering among themselves then the kids did playing. They should have gotten together before the game and decided together how they were going to call it. All I ask for is consistancy for all of the players. But the kids got to stand around allot and watch the refs try to come to a decision. Our coach was ready to forfiet and take the kids home because it was a really bad thing to watch.

[Tigerjag]

1. Cuss a ref from the stands? In person, after the game?

From the stands, with 10,000 of my closest friends around me? Suuuure! Usually not actually curse words, but I've been known to ask if their seeing eye dog saw it the same way.

In person - probably not, but I've never encountered a ref after the game. If I could have gotten close to the refs that called my younger sons JV game against Cy Ridge, I might have gotten real personal. They called over 400 yards of penalties in that game. They called it both ways, but it was ridiculous. Neither team had had even 100 yards of penalties prior to that. Cy Ridge was a new school, so it wasn't like there was a big rivalry that they had to keep tight control of the game to prevent fights. Argh - yep, I may not have cussed, but I would have given them a large piece of my mind.

2. Give your child's coach grief for enforcing an "everybody plays rule"?

Never. I threatened to go to the league if they didn't enforce that rule.

3. Shout out that a teamate "sucks", or something similar? Tell a parent his or her child sucks? Cuss a teamate for making a critical error in the game? A small error?

NEVER! I feel bad when a receiver drops a pass and I say, "Ohhhh..." along with the rest of the crowd.

4. Yell at the coach for not starting your child?

HA! Nooo, I never did.

5. Cuss your child for making a critical error? A small error?

No, not in a game! The worst I've ever said to either of them was Dammit, and that was only when they were purposely aggravating the heck out of me. :D

6. Stand behind the bench to give midgame advice/coaching to your child, or a teammate?

Like I would know what to advise!

7. Cuss out an opposing team's player, or tell him he sucks, etc?

Like I said, up in the stands, with 10,000 of my closest friends around me ... no problem. Where they could actually hear me, no. I did yell at a cinco soccer girl to stop tackling last week though, and she might have heard me. Certainly didn't stop her, though.

As far as going into debt - yes, extra on the plastic. Maybe a loan, but no spiraling into poverty like you described. I think a lot of parents whose kids have made varsity in any sport find that the plastic gets melted a little more.

[dragons08]

1. id do it after the game

2. well, if its competive yes, but if its rec, then no

3. see, during a game, you just say dont worry about it, and stuff like that, to build confidence, at practice is when you say dude you suck at this practice this or what not

4. nope, maybe to my self, not in front of them

6. no..i HATED when during my soccer games, parents yelled stuff from the stands, one game i had to ask them to shut up they were screwing up a teammate of mine

7. opposing team, if im a player yes..but if im a parent no! i remember last year, we had a game up in denton (not hs soccer)..and parents, they were cussing me out and what not..i was playing sweeper, and shut this one moms kid down the whole game..so when we were losing (they scored on a pk) i moved up to forward (coach allowed me to do what i thought was best) and this kids mom get telling me i sucked blah blah blah, and started yelling stuff to me in spanish, it was hillarious..this game there was 3 red cards, 3 yellows..so it was pretty rough..a kid on our team knocked this one kid out, and their whole team was cheap shotting and everything..i tried to calm people down to keep matters from getting worse, but could only do so much, it was by far the WORST display of sportsmanship i have ever seen

[bubbacoach]

I would only do what my kids were wanting to do. There are people with enough talent to go pro, but do not because they do not want to play the game anymore. You have to respect these people because you know they played the game for the right reason. They played for the Love of the game. These guys that play for the cash, I could care less about. That is why I do not like pro sports for the most part. All I demand of my kids is they try to accell at whatever they choose to do and become productive members of our society.

[LUFPAN]

i cant believe parents would want to do something that desperately for their kids.

Not all parents would. I have three kids and would not do any of these things. Teaching these kids that its ok to break the rules in order to be succesfull is sending the wrong message and you should never break your family up by sending the kid away to train or moving part of the family into a better school zone. The kid needs love and support much more than a better supporting cast and training facilities.

[maurader]

In regards to compliance with medical advice:

Let's say that your son sustains a bad hit in a football game and can't feel or move his arms/legs on the field (but regains feeling and movement after a few hours in the ER)- Would you let your child continue to play on the team if the child wants to and the doctor, although having reservations, says that the child is medically OK?

[Firebird]

In regards to compliance with medical advice:

Let's say that your son sustains a bad hit in a football game and can't feel or move his arms/legs on the field (but regains feeling and movement after a few hours in the ER)- Would you let your child continue to play on the team if the child wants to and the doctor, although having reservations, says that the child is medically OK?

That actually happened to me, only not in a game but in a practice. MD's are always going to hedge their bets, but if he cleared him medically-- ie, no spinal or nerve damage-- then I would let him play.