JC and The Boys

[LUFPAN]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he
could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied,When I am worried about
getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of
vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip.

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and
took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he
found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred
to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the sh*t out
of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off
his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he
said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He
did not say "Eat me."

12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the
Cherry."

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not:
Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest
at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.
Taffy's

[dada]

Instant Classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[KTgrl2006]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he
could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied,When I am worried about
getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of
vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip.

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and
took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he
found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred
to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the sh*t out
of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off
his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he
said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He
did not say "Eat me."

12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the
Cherry."

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not:
Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest
at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.
Taffy's



tyea umm as a Roman Catholic....this isnt the funniest thing ever....actully its really kind of rude...

[CKE]

your going to hell..............lol j/k

[LUFPAN]

tyea umm as a Roman Catholic....this isnt the funniest thing ever....actully its really kind of rude...

I can only hope your not being seriouse and this is just some distorted trick to hi-jack the thread. :rolleyes:

[slorch]

I thought it was pretty funny

[Miss Kitty]

Okay, change it from Priest to Preacher. It is still funny. :D

[GoOwls]

tyea umm as a Roman Catholic....this isnt the funniest thing ever....actully its really kind of rude...

Take a chill pill, Jill.

The first version of this joke that I heard was about 30 years ago and it was a Baptist youth minister. The next time it was a Rabbi. Get with the program and loosen up a bit. If this offends you, you will spend most of your life very offended.

[MaverickDefense]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!1




VERY FUNNAY!!!!1

i came into thread looking for funny, and was not disappointed

[Humblefied]

With me being a christian and all, I think is this downright funny. God has a sense of humor too you know.

[lonny23]

With me being a christian and all, I think is this downright funny. God has a sense of humor too you know.
I'm not offended, either. I've heard the joke in various forms for years and that's what can happen when you drink too much.

Here's a true story for you. When I lived in Longview, we had a Baptist preacher that lived across the street from us and I was friends with his kids. In fact, my dad baptized me in his church since my dad's church didn't have a baptistry. One day the pastor of that church was preaching about Jesus, the disciples, and the arrest of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Instead of saying Peter cut off Malcus' ear when they were arresting Jesus, he accidentally said he cut off his peter!:D

[Humblefied]

I'm not offended, either. I've heard the joke in various forms for years and that's what can happen when you drink too much.

Here's a true story for you. When I lived in Longview, we had a Baptist preacher that lived across the street from us and I was friends with his kids. In fact, my dad baptized me in his church since my dad's church didn't have a baptistry. One day the pastor of that church was preaching about Jesus, the disciples, and the arrest of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Instead of saying Peter cut off Malcus' ear when they were arresting Jesus, he accidentally said he cut off his peter!:D

Wow, this pretty funny. I wish I could remember all the funny stuff my pastor says in my church. Most of them he just can't help but laugh at and then his whole message gets thrown off. Its so funny.

[LoneRocket]

tyea umm as a Roman Catholic....this isnt the funniest thing ever....actully its really kind of rude...
Get over it.