Firebird
02-23-2006, 02:53 AM
Ok, ya'll, this is what I want to know. What are the worst songs getting air time on the radio right now. I am talking about the kind of song that makes you want to rip your radio out of the dash and hurl it onto the freeway at 75, so that you will never hear the sonic assault of song badness again. These songs should be relatively recent-- let me know what grinds your eardrums and why--
My list
"Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" (Trace Adkins) The title alone should explain why this song sucks. Its not enough that I have to listen to the Whitest Man Ever sing about a "badonkadonk" in a deep twang, what is worse is that my country station is filling up valuable Johnny Cash and Merle Haggard airtime with this crap.
"Hollaback Girl" (Gwen Stefani)-- "This sh** is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S". No Gwen, you are bananas, and you have completely lost your sh**. This steaming turd clogged up the workplace radio all summer long, and it hasn't gone away yet. I don't want to know what chemicals were coursing through Stefani's bloodstream as she sang this one.
"My Hump" (Black-Eyed Peas) I wish someone would put a few "lovely lady lumps" on Fergie's head for this one. Yet another song that clogged the airwaves all summer long. However, I am tormented by the eternal question--
Just what is Fergie going to do with all that a** in her pants??
"Cowboys are Secretley Frequently Fond of Each Other" (Wille Nelson)-- It hurts me, it really does, to put a Wille song on a list of crappy songs. But Wille, I understood the long hair, the hippie stuff, the weed, even your reggae album. You're Willie, and that made it OK. But dang it, Willie, gay cowboys are NOT COOL! You need to clear some of the bong resin out of your head before you cut another single.
"The Reason" (Hoobastank)-- Tomorrow, approximately 2,000 high school kids will try to turn these lyrics in as an original poem for an English assignment. Approximately 5,000,000 will play it on prom night in the car, hoping to improve their chances of scoring. This song is melodramatic, steaming crap-- rock and roll got about 10X lamer because of this song.
Here for the Party/All Jacked Up (Gretchen Wilson) These two are really the same song. Gretchen Wilson sings about getting trashed in a dive bar. If you look at Gretchen up close, she appears to have been ridden hard down 100 miles of bad road and put away wet. Pay attention, future college co-eds-- this is what endless nights of straight Jack Daniels will do to you. Drunk chicks stop being cool by your senior year of college.
And, the number one crappy song on the radio---
"Photograph" (Nickelback)-- "Time of Your Life" by Green Day has been officially replaced-- "Photograph will be the official high school anthem/video yearbook song starting this year. Lame-O "wuss rock". And for the love of Pete, I want to know-- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ON JOEY'S HEAD? A massive head wound? Seagull poop? A rhinestone covered cowboy hat? We'll never know, because Nickelback sucks. They needed a word to rhyme with "red" and "head" was all they could think of. Brilliant.
My list
"Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" (Trace Adkins) The title alone should explain why this song sucks. Its not enough that I have to listen to the Whitest Man Ever sing about a "badonkadonk" in a deep twang, what is worse is that my country station is filling up valuable Johnny Cash and Merle Haggard airtime with this crap.
"Hollaback Girl" (Gwen Stefani)-- "This sh** is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S". No Gwen, you are bananas, and you have completely lost your sh**. This steaming turd clogged up the workplace radio all summer long, and it hasn't gone away yet. I don't want to know what chemicals were coursing through Stefani's bloodstream as she sang this one.
"My Hump" (Black-Eyed Peas) I wish someone would put a few "lovely lady lumps" on Fergie's head for this one. Yet another song that clogged the airwaves all summer long. However, I am tormented by the eternal question--
Just what is Fergie going to do with all that a** in her pants??
"Cowboys are Secretley Frequently Fond of Each Other" (Wille Nelson)-- It hurts me, it really does, to put a Wille song on a list of crappy songs. But Wille, I understood the long hair, the hippie stuff, the weed, even your reggae album. You're Willie, and that made it OK. But dang it, Willie, gay cowboys are NOT COOL! You need to clear some of the bong resin out of your head before you cut another single.
"The Reason" (Hoobastank)-- Tomorrow, approximately 2,000 high school kids will try to turn these lyrics in as an original poem for an English assignment. Approximately 5,000,000 will play it on prom night in the car, hoping to improve their chances of scoring. This song is melodramatic, steaming crap-- rock and roll got about 10X lamer because of this song.
Here for the Party/All Jacked Up (Gretchen Wilson) These two are really the same song. Gretchen Wilson sings about getting trashed in a dive bar. If you look at Gretchen up close, she appears to have been ridden hard down 100 miles of bad road and put away wet. Pay attention, future college co-eds-- this is what endless nights of straight Jack Daniels will do to you. Drunk chicks stop being cool by your senior year of college.
And, the number one crappy song on the radio---
"Photograph" (Nickelback)-- "Time of Your Life" by Green Day has been officially replaced-- "Photograph will be the official high school anthem/video yearbook song starting this year. Lame-O "wuss rock". And for the love of Pete, I want to know-- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ON JOEY'S HEAD? A massive head wound? Seagull poop? A rhinestone covered cowboy hat? We'll never know, because Nickelback sucks. They needed a word to rhyme with "red" and "head" was all they could think of. Brilliant.