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KT2000
01-20-2006, 03:30 PM
All right, here is the Chuck Norris thread so the commandments doesn't get hijacked.

I'll start it off...

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because that implies a risk of failure. He goes killing.

If you have a 5 dollar bill and Chuck Norris has a 5 dollar bill, he has more than you do.

dragonfootballfan
01-20-2006, 03:32 PM
Chuck Norris counted to infiniti, twice

dada
01-20-2006, 03:34 PM
Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer

Too bad he never cries.

dada
01-20-2006, 03:38 PM
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for His left and right legs.

Miss Kitty
01-20-2006, 03:38 PM
Hey...now don't start jacking with Walker.

stevefoxsc
01-20-2006, 03:38 PM
Chuck norris shaw'll be considerd greater than bruce lee even though lee beat him in 5 sec's

dada
01-20-2006, 03:44 PM
Chuck norris shaw'll be considerd greater than bruce lee even though lee beat him in 5 sec's
Yeah but I bet Bruce Lee cant divide by zero.

dada
01-20-2006, 03:48 PM
Look how many guys it took to take Chuck Norris out:

http://www.wanfear.com/~stien/usd.swf

garlandowl08
01-20-2006, 04:06 PM
Look how many guys it took to take Chuck Norris out:

http://www.wanfear.com/~stien/usd.swf

That is the coolest thing...

Chuck Norris is currently sueing Burger king for not putting razor wire in his whopper because it was, in fact, his way.

CKE
01-20-2006, 04:37 PM
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

stevefoxsc
01-20-2006, 04:57 PM
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

:eek: i thought i was the only one

wide-e-wide
01-20-2006, 04:58 PM
Chuck Norris could tackle Vince Young....if he really wanted to.

CKE
01-20-2006, 05:08 PM
chuck norris could beat the 02 04 and 05 slc team all put together all by himself

CLFalcon2006
01-20-2006, 05:22 PM
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did...

dragonfootballfan
01-20-2006, 06:12 PM
One time Chuck Norris saved a dying baby sheep. Immediately after it was brought back to life, Chuck roundhouse kicked it in the face and it immediately died. Chuck turned to the crowd and said, "Chuck giveth and Chuck taketh away"

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 06:17 PM
LMFAO... Chuck left me a comment on myspace.. those of you who know my myspace check it out... It is so good I am not going to delete it like I usually do.

AZTiger
01-20-2006, 06:18 PM
Chuck Norris could tackle Vince Young....if he really wanted to.

that's gay

sorry, time to end the manlove wide ;)

stevefoxsc
01-20-2006, 06:45 PM
rofl rofl old chucky poped ur comment cheery http://myspace-856.vo.llnwd.net/00437/65/87/437017856_s.jpg

does any one know whats up with the chuck norris and the round house kick to the face thing more people are saying it now did i miss a snl parody or somthing?

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 06:59 PM
rofl rofl old chucky poped ur comment cheery http://myspace-856.vo.llnwd.net/00437/65/87/437017856_s.jpg

does any one know whats up with the chuck norris and the round house kick to the face thing more people are saying it now did i miss a snl parody or somthing?

After many times of watching Walker Texas Ranger... I realized that his gay round house kick is pretty much his finisher move.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 07:01 PM
I, SeguinMatadors, have accomplished the single most impressive feat in human history..... I survived a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris.

Greatness goes in this order...Chuck Norris, Seguin.... rest of the world

stevefoxsc
01-20-2006, 07:03 PM
After many times of watching Walker Texas Ranger... I realized that his gay round house kick is pretty much his finisher move.

ooooooh.

dragonfootballfan
01-20-2006, 07:06 PM
I, SeguinMatadors, have accomplished the single most impressive feat in human history..... I survived a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris.

Greatness goes in this order...Chuck Norris, Seguin.... rest of the world
That must have been a Chuck Norris imposter. The only person that could withstand a a Chuck Norris roundhouse is Chuck Norris, but if Norris ever roundhouse kicked himself the universe would collapse upon itself.

stevefoxsc
01-20-2006, 07:10 PM
chuck norris cured aid's when he gave the std a round house kick.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 07:12 PM
ooooooh.


Yeah dude.. you have to watch it..... on the show.... after he roundhouse kicks someone.. they do not get up or move.... no exceptions. lol

stevefoxsc
01-20-2006, 07:13 PM
Yeah dude.. you have to watch it..... on the show.... after he roundhouse kicks someone.. they do not get up or move.... no exceptions. lol


i used to watch the show in the day's until my friend kept makin fun of the introduction song when it said "so when your in texas look behind you, cause that's where a rangers gona be".

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:08 PM
Did you all know God has Chuck Norris as number 1 on his call list and typically calls him 4-5 times a day for advice?

dragonfootballfan
01-20-2006, 08:15 PM
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month

dragonfootballfan
01-20-2006, 08:16 PM
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:20 PM
Chuck Norris can, infact, see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

dragonfootballfan
01-20-2006, 08:21 PM
Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

CKE
01-20-2006, 08:28 PM
and if you run chuck norris will find you

http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2006/1/73599_53237970-c6d1-4100-bc58-8f7317446fec_prod_break.JPG

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:29 PM
and if you run chuck norris will find you

http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2006/1/73599_53237970-c6d1-4100-bc58-8f7317446fec_prod_break.JPG

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fu**ing Indian.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:30 PM
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:32 PM
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:33 PM
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:33 PM
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:34 PM
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:35 PM
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:36 PM
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:37 PM
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

LMFAO

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:38 PM
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

This **** is pure gold.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:39 PM
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:40 PM
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:41 PM
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

ROFL!

CKE
01-20-2006, 08:45 PM
omg seguin im crying because im laughing so hard

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:48 PM
omg seguin im crying because im laughing so hard

You know that saying roll on the floor laughing? Well, when reading this stuff... I literally fell out of my chair and rolled on the ground laughing!

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:51 PM
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:52 PM
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:53 PM
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:53 PM
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:54 PM
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:55 PM
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:56 PM
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:57 PM
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:57 PM
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:59 PM
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 08:59 PM
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:00 PM
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:02 PM
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:02 PM
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

slorch
01-20-2006, 09:02 PM
Chuck Norris knocked the battery off of Robert Conrad's shoulder

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:03 PM
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.

slorch
01-20-2006, 09:04 PM
oops

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:04 PM
The President was lying about the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Everyone knows Chuck Norris has never lived there.

slorch
01-20-2006, 09:04 PM
Chuck Norris had his own plane in ConAir, and no wimpy prisoners were allowed to unbuckle, or the ride was over

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:05 PM
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:05 PM
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:06 PM
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:07 PM
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:08 PM
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."

slorch
01-20-2006, 09:08 PM
Chuck norris doesn't lick the Tootsie-Pop, he gives it a roundhouse kick to the center

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:09 PM
One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:10 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:11 PM
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:11 PM
Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:12 PM
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:13 PM
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:15 PM
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history

HAHAHAHAHA

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 09:17 PM
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

stevefoxsc
01-20-2006, 09:35 PM
no women can tell chuck how to drive, if they do press the chuck action button and watch him bust her lip open

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c307/mrtingle878/thchucknorrispimphand10kt.gif


chuck norris can watch 60 minutes in 20 minutes

stevefoxsc
01-20-2006, 09:40 PM
OMG CHUCK IS GONA PWN ME!!!!

Chuck Norris!!!
http://myspace-856.vo.llnwd.net/00437/65/87/437017856_s.jpg

Jan 20, 2006 9:38 PM
sure son,
tell me when and where and i will gladly plant a hellacious roundhouse right on your face.

yours truly,
Chuck

help!!!!

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 11:07 PM
OMG CHUCK IS GONA PWN ME!!!!

Chuck Norris!!!
http://myspace-856.vo.llnwd.net/00437/65/87/437017856_s.jpg

Jan 20, 2006 9:38 PM
sure son,
tell me when and where and i will gladly plant a hellacious roundhouse right on your face.

yours truly,
Chuck

help!!!!

LMFAO, what did you say to him?!.... I got your back.. I am the only known Human to survive a Chuck Norris Roundhouse kick... he knows better than to mess with me.

SeguinMatadors
01-20-2006, 11:46 PM
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f*ck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

DragonBand06
01-21-2006, 01:00 AM
Chuck Norris has more posts than wide, lonny, and d08 combined. Times 20.

DragonBand06
01-21-2006, 01:02 AM
The hurricanes were a result of Chuck Norris practicing his roundhouse kick.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:36 AM
Chuck Norris made and sold 100 WWCND(What Would Chuck Norris Do) bracelets as a prototype for an extensive clothing line incorporating the same anagram, but the clothing line was shut down when all 100 buyers of the bracelet were executed on death row for murdering people with roundhouse kicks to the skull.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:37 AM
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:38 AM
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:39 AM
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:40 AM
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:41 AM
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:42 AM
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:43 AM
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.

thebiggestfan
01-21-2006, 09:44 AM
There is no life form on Mars because Chuck Norris whent there

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:44 AM
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can pee on whatever he wants.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:45 AM
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:46 AM
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:47 AM
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:48 AM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:50 AM
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the blackness out of Michael Jackson. The obsession with young boys came later, as a side effect.

lonny23
01-21-2006, 09:52 AM
To pull America out of the Great Depression, Chuck Norris listed his beard on the stock exchange. While these shares have become increasingly valuable, no one has ever been game enough to collect.

thebiggestfan
01-21-2006, 09:55 AM
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye

DragonBand06
01-21-2006, 01:10 PM
Chuck Norris has beaten ALL of the Final Fantasy games. Even the 72 not yet released.

DragonBand06
01-21-2006, 01:12 PM
Chuck Norris once visited the powerplant in Ontario. He tripped and accidentally bumped into the machinery. Hence, the great NE blackout.

DragonBand06
01-21-2006, 01:13 PM
Chuck Norris could beat Jack Bauer.

DragonBand06
01-21-2006, 01:16 PM
The Germans created the Enigma to hide their information from Chuck Norris. He threatened to give it a roundhouse kick and the machine gave up the information in fear.

DragonBand06
01-21-2006, 01:17 PM
The Grand Canyon = Chuck Norris was dragging his feet one day.

stevefoxsc
01-21-2006, 01:33 PM
tupac never got shot he went up to chuck norris and shouted West side!!!! Chuck then proceeded to round house kick him to the face, police saw in such amazement there gun's went off hitting tupac.

slorch
01-21-2006, 06:09 PM
Chuck Norris ate just one Lay's Potato Chip

stevefoxsc
01-21-2006, 06:10 PM
chuck norris commands u to make this the biggest thread ever or he will round house you all to the face

slorch
01-21-2006, 06:10 PM
Chuck Norris doen't even have to wait after lunch to go swimming

slorch
01-21-2006, 06:11 PM
Chuck Norris runs with scissors, and dares them to cut him

slorch
01-21-2006, 06:12 PM
Chuck Norris removes tags from Mattresses and pillows without fear of reprisal

slorch
01-21-2006, 06:13 PM
Mt St Helens didn't erupt. Chuck Norris hit it with a giant roundhouse kick, from Texas

stevefoxsc
01-21-2006, 07:53 PM
South carroll is no longer number 1 in the nation chuck norris started his own high school football team

slorch
01-21-2006, 08:29 PM
Chuck Norris taught Brian Bozworth how to tackle, but the Boz refused to do the roundhouse kick, thus, his career fizzled.( Bo knows the roundhouse, Chuck Norris taught him, too)

stevefoxsc
01-21-2006, 08:33 PM
chuck norris is the best rapper ever he is to be called C-nor if called other wise he will round-o to the face-o

GTown02
01-21-2006, 08:43 PM
Chuck Norris' blood type is KO.

GoOwls
01-21-2006, 10:41 PM
When Chuck Norris was born, he spanked the doctor.

Chuck Norris could find Usama Bin Laden..........if we asked him to.

Chuck Norris invented Muscle Cars.

Chuck Norris taught Popeye everything he knows, not Poop-deck Pappy.

stevefoxsc
01-21-2006, 11:04 PM
rofl rofl rofl did any one just watch snl they did a parody on chuck norris a song called young chuck norris haha

GRP05
01-22-2006, 09:25 PM
Chuck Norris could beat SLC...

AllenEagle06
01-22-2006, 10:24 PM
Chuck Norris could start climbing Mt. Everest at 10:30 AM and finish at 9:00 AM the same day.

stevefoxsc
01-23-2006, 01:44 AM
chuck norris gives freddy crougar night mares

wide-e-wide
01-23-2006, 01:47 AM
It was if fact...Chuck who blocked for John Riggins...not Mark May.

Give Pete Carroll a month to prepare for Chuck Norris...and he will still get his *** kicked.

AZTiger
01-23-2006, 02:05 AM
If USC had Chuck Norris, he would have just stared at Vince Young on 4th down and Vince would have taken a knee.

wide-e-wide
01-23-2006, 02:06 AM
If USC had Chuck Norris, he would have just stared at Vince Young on 4th down and Vince would have taken a knee.


hahaha

I gotta give it up for that one.
I actually laughed out loud.

dada
01-23-2006, 07:10 AM
Thank you guys for starting my morning off right...lol

Chuck Norris washes his hands BEFORE he takes a piss.

SeguinMatadors
01-23-2006, 10:53 AM
Thank you guys for starting my morning off right...lol

Chuck Norris washes his hands BEFORE he takes a piss.

LMFAO! With pringles, once Chuck Norris "Pops" he CAN stop.

dada
01-23-2006, 11:02 AM
Chuck Norris was kicked out of Army boot camp for insubordination. When recruits were asked "What makes the green grass grow" the would reply "Blood makes the green grass grow drill sergant!" Chuck always replied "Me".

dada
01-23-2006, 11:12 AM
When Chuck Norris was born, he spanked the doctor.

Chuck Norris could find Usama Bin Laden..........if we asked him to.

Chuck Norris invented Muscle Cars.

Chuck Norris taught Popeye everything he knows, not Poop-deck Pappy.
Chuck wasnt born.....he has always been here.
The song "He has the whole world in his hand" is a tribute to Chuck....written by Chuck.

If Chuck Norris could clone himself and fight himself.....no one would ever win or lose...they would always tie.

Chuck Norris can drive a Mazda Miata without anyone laughing at him.

I'm running out....you guys keep them going.

dragonfootballfan
01-23-2006, 11:21 AM
Chuck Norris won the 1983 World series of poker with a 2 of hearts, a monopoly chance card, a coupon for a free taco at taco casa, a green 8 from uno and kurt rambis basketball card.

dada
01-23-2006, 11:26 AM
The "Terminator" movies were true stories about Chuck. The Terminators actually being defeated at the end were Chucks idea saying that it would make for a good comedy movie.

AZTiger
01-23-2006, 11:36 AM
Chuck Norris won the 1983 World series of poker with a 2 of hearts, a monopoly chance card, a coupon for a free taco at taco casa, a green 8 from uno and kurt rambis basketball card.

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!

dude, that made me laugh out loud...hard

dada
01-23-2006, 11:39 AM
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls

dada
01-23-2006, 11:43 AM
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.


Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.


If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

dada
01-23-2006, 11:46 AM
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

dragonfootballfan
01-23-2006, 11:49 AM
nm

dada
01-23-2006, 11:52 AM
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.


Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

AZTiger
01-23-2006, 11:59 AM
On Chuck Norris' appearance on the game show "Press Your Luck," when he landed on a Whammy his money was doubled.

dada
01-23-2006, 12:00 PM
Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.

When the movie Pulp Fiction was filmed they had to borrow Chuck Norris's wallet... It's the one that says "Bad Mother *****" on it

The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"

dada
01-23-2006, 12:06 PM
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

dada
01-23-2006, 12:06 PM
I feel like Lonny....lol

dragonfootballfan
01-23-2006, 12:16 PM
Young Chuck Norris Video (http://www.youtube.com/w/Young-Chuck-Norris---SNL?v=NBSpNPzVsMM&feature=Views&page=1&t=t&f=b)

dada
01-23-2006, 12:30 PM
Chuck Norris has been in every porn movie since 1985.

The jackhammer was invented by a construction workers after he accidentlly peeked in Chucks window while he was having sex.

wide-e-wide
01-23-2006, 12:37 PM
Chuck Norris took Debo's bike ... and Debo didn't say a word.

stevefoxsc
01-23-2006, 01:10 PM
Young Chuck Norris Video (http://www.youtube.com/w/Young-Chuck-Norris---SNL?v=NBSpNPzVsMM&feature=Views&page=1&t=t&f=b)


ahhhhhh i remeber that from past snl thats funny!

Chuck is starting to get pretty popular lately not just on the board but almost every where

stevefoxsc
01-23-2006, 02:58 PM
http://bunyan451.free.fr/chuck.gif

dragonfootballfan
01-23-2006, 03:20 PM
http://www.filmposters.com/images/posters/6463.jpg

AllenEagle06
01-23-2006, 04:29 PM
If Chuck Norris racked you with a roundhouse kick, not only would you not be able to have children, but the kids you already have would die.

stevefoxsc
01-23-2006, 04:54 PM
if chuck norris saw this thread he would round house us all to the face :(

AZTiger
01-23-2006, 06:34 PM
Superman owns Chuck Norris pajamas

DragonBand06
01-23-2006, 06:41 PM
Chuck Norris is the only known superhuman (or human for that matter) to have survived a black hole. How did he do this, you ask? He roundhouse kicked his way out. :D

dragonfootballfan
01-24-2006, 01:33 AM
Chuck Norris was actually born in Oklahoma, but moved to Texas after he accidentally roundhouse kicked Oklahoma back to 1879

wide-e-wide
01-24-2006, 01:48 AM
Superman owns Chuck Norris pajamas


Oh when I make a Vince reference...you call it manlove...
But it's okay for you to do it huh?:rolleyes:

lonny23
01-24-2006, 03:11 AM
http://bunyan451.free.fr/chuck.gif
If that's the picture I think it is, one of the guys at work in Kyrgyzstan superimposed it over a picture he had taken with Billy Blanks. It looked pretty cool with Chuck's head and black hands!:D

lonny23
01-24-2006, 03:12 AM
if chuck norris saw this thread he would round house us all to the face :(
Me and another guy were talking about the Chuck Norris stuff everywhere the last couple days and we think he probably laughs at all of it!:cool:

lonny23
01-24-2006, 03:16 AM
Oh when I make a Vince reference...you call it manlove...
But it's okay for you to do it huh?:rolleyes:
You have to admit the Superman pajamas thing is pretty cool. The big difference in some people's minds is that they're joking about Chuck, but we know you really like VY. It's not man-love on your part because he's that great of a player and I'd also be talking about him incessantly if I were a Longhorn fan.

DragonBand06
01-24-2006, 06:47 AM
We should e-mail Chuck Norris the link to this thread...
And hope he doesn't come roundhouse kick us all.

dada
01-24-2006, 07:25 AM
I Love this Thread for some reason..:D

The called the show WALKER, Texas Ranger because Chuck dosn't run....from anyone.

Miss Kitty
01-24-2006, 08:00 AM
Dada4, you win the prize. You just never run out. LOL

dada
01-24-2006, 08:07 AM
Dada4, you win the prize. You just never run out. LOL
Kitty, I'm a modest guy....I cant take ALL the credit...I made up a few, but most of them I got from a "Chuck Norris Facts" website;)

AZTiger
01-24-2006, 09:08 AM
Oh when I make a Vince reference...you call it manlove...
But it's okay for you to do it huh?:rolleyes:

hey now, how do you expect me to know you made that same reference somewhere else? cut me some slack :)

dada
01-24-2006, 10:17 AM
Just sitting here at work working.....I have a T-Mac bobble head sitting on top of my monitor.....for no explained reason.....it just fell over. I looked around thinking maybe someone shot a rubber band at it or something....I knew the AC didnt knock it over and I didnt bump into my desk........then it dawned on me.........Chuck must have just delivered a roundhouse to someone.

Miss Kitty
01-24-2006, 10:38 AM
Probably to Osama :D

KT2000
01-24-2006, 12:19 PM
The Indian Ocean tsunami was not a result of natural geologic processes. Chuck Norris executed a roundhouse underwater, creating the wave of destruction.

The Nile flows north because Chuck Norris told it to.

dada
01-24-2006, 12:21 PM
The Indian Ocean tsunami was not a result of natural geologic processes. Chuck Norris executed a roundhouse underwater, creating the wave of destruction.

The Nile flows north because Chuck Norris told it to.
Crop Circles are the result of Chuck letting us know that sometimes "Corn needs to lay the f*** down"

KT2000
01-24-2006, 12:26 PM
Chuck Norris has rolled snake eyes...and won.

dada
01-24-2006, 12:29 PM
When taking your SAT...if you put "Chuck Norris" as every answer...you will get a perfect score.

KT2000
01-24-2006, 12:35 PM
In 1978, Chuck invented Nerf foam products for "Wusses who can't handle the real thing."

KT2000
01-24-2006, 12:38 PM
In an interview with Barbara Walters, Chuck Norris admitted to once punching a hurricane in the face. Walters retorted, "Hurricanes have eyes, but don't, in fact, have faces." to which Norris replied, "Watch your mouth, Hurricane Walters."

KT2000
01-24-2006, 12:41 PM
Chuck Norris was actually born a triplet. His brothers are Death and Pain.

KT2000
01-24-2006, 12:43 PM
Chuck Norris is on a mission. That mission is to rename the "White House" to "Round House" and kick the crap out of terrorisim.

KT2000
01-24-2006, 12:45 PM
The sun doesn't actually rise or set. Chuck Norris simply claps twice.

dada
01-24-2006, 12:45 PM
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

dada
01-24-2006, 12:48 PM
"Chuck Norris was working out in the gym with one of his daughter-in-laws. In an attempt to impress Norris, she started to train really hard. When she asked Chuck if he was impressed, he replied with "Weights don't hit back" and broke her neck with a roundhouse."

KT2000
01-24-2006, 12:49 PM
Chuck Norris can eat failure for breakfast, and crap success within an hour.

Chuck Norris has vowed to eat one terrorist an hour until the hostages are released. The catch? The terrorists are the hostages.

dada
01-24-2006, 12:50 PM
This one is kinda cruel:

Because of Chuck Norris' sheer amazingness, there has only been one woman brave enough to try and make love to Chuck Norris with the light on. Her name was Terry Schiavo

dada
01-24-2006, 12:58 PM
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier

dada
01-24-2006, 01:00 PM
Soon after birth, Chuck Norris' mother requested that he be circumcised. He then round house kicked her in the face and fled, dragging his dead mother behind him by her embilical cord.

dragonfootballfan
01-24-2006, 01:16 PM
Chuck Norris died 5 years ago. The Grim Reaper is just afraid to tell him.

stevefoxsc
01-24-2006, 03:55 PM
Somthing as small as a butterfly's wing fluttering can cause a tsunami, somthing as as powerful as chucks round house kick can dawn the appoculypse

dragonfootballfan
01-24-2006, 08:30 PM
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5272061388943441871&q=texas

SeguinMatadors
01-24-2006, 08:35 PM
When a tree falls down in the forrest and no one isthere to hear it.. Chuck Norris hears it.

Miss Kitty
01-24-2006, 09:28 PM
When Chuck Norris goes into McDonalds, he gets it his way.

dragons08
01-24-2006, 09:30 PM
When Chuck Norris goes into McDonalds, he gets it his way.
and then theres marcus vick's way

SeguinMatadors
01-24-2006, 09:30 PM
Chuck Norris can open up child proof medicine without lining up the tabs.

dragonfootballfan
01-24-2006, 09:44 PM
and then theres marcus vick's way
Unless Chuck Norris is there.

Miss Kitty
01-24-2006, 09:44 PM
and then theres marcus vick's way


Who's Marcus Vick?

dragons08
01-24-2006, 09:45 PM
Who's Marcus Vick?
doesnt it get cold under taht rock??


lil bro of micheal vick..marucs got kicked out of vatech..held up some kids at micky d's

dragonfootballfan
01-24-2006, 09:46 PM
Who's Marcus Vick?
Link to one of the many threads about Marcus (http://www.5atexasfootball.com/forum/vB/showthread.php?t=5508)

dragons08
01-24-2006, 09:46 PM
Unless Chuck Norris is there.
yes of course

SeguinMatadors
01-24-2006, 10:47 PM
Chuck Norris is a good friend of mine.. he appreciates yalls apprciation... keep it up or he will be knocking on your doors and meeting your jaws with a hellacious roundhouse.

dragonfootballfan
01-24-2006, 10:51 PM
Chuck Norris is a good friend of mine.. he appreciates yalls apprciation... keep it up or he will be knocking on your doors and meeting your jaws with a hellacious roundhouse.
Chuck Norris does not have friends, just people who are on the bottom of his kill list

AllenEagle06
01-24-2006, 10:54 PM
Football with Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris can throw a 99 yard TD pass to himself.

Chuck Norris can intercept the snap.

If Chuck Norris punted the ball, there would be no return, for the ball had just gone into orbit...at Mars.

stevefoxsc
01-24-2006, 11:15 PM
god prays to chuck norris

SeguinMatadors
01-24-2006, 11:16 PM
Chuck Norris does not have friends, just people who are on the bottom of his kill list

lmao... well I got pull... you are now on the top.:eek:

stevefoxsc
01-25-2006, 02:04 PM
long horn's won cause chuck told them to

dada
01-25-2006, 02:09 PM
long horn's won cause chuck told them to
No...the won because the show is called Walker TEXAS ranger....not Walker California ranger

SeguinMatadors
01-25-2006, 02:29 PM
Football with Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris can throw a 99 yard TD pass to himself.

Chuck Norris can intercept the snap.

If Chuck Norris punted the ball, there would be no return, for the ball had just gone into orbit...at Mars.

Unfortunately for the rest of Texas HS football... he would be third string at Soutlake.:mad:

CoveMom
01-25-2006, 06:17 PM
Chuck Norris DOES NOT eat quiche.

Cove Mom

DragonBand06
01-25-2006, 06:21 PM
Chuck Norris DOES NOT eat quiche.

Cove Mom
Inconcievable! :)

ktchamp97
01-25-2006, 06:25 PM
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5272061388943441871&q=texas

Awesome.

Can anyone besides KT2000 and jc84chill name the band playing in the background? Mad props if you can...

AZTiger
01-25-2006, 06:42 PM
Black Label Society

stevefoxsc
01-25-2006, 06:46 PM
Awesome.

Can anyone besides KT2000 and jc84chill name the band playing in the background? Mad props if you can...

i think it's in the credit's some where

AZTiger
01-25-2006, 06:47 PM
no it's not...

ktchamp97
01-25-2006, 06:56 PM
Black Label Society
Ok, so I should've included you in that 'except' list too, lol. Nice work. Zakk is awesome.

Dangit, it is in the credits...{Here's a guy who didn't watch the whole thing..}

AZTiger
01-25-2006, 06:58 PM
Ok, so I should've included you in that 'except' list too, lol. Nice work. Zakk is awesome.

Dangit, it is in the credits...{Here's a guy who didn't watch the whole thing..}

ha ha ha, i forwarded to the end to see if there were credits ;)

lonny23
01-25-2006, 07:07 PM
Kitty, I'm a modest guy....I cant take ALL the credit...I made up a few, but most of them I got from a "Chuck Norris Facts" website;)
I got mine from a top 30 site, but it does random facts, too. Some of the guys at work in Kyrgyzstan would tell me the one's they'd heard.

lonny23
01-25-2006, 07:09 PM
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier
I saw a bunch of those on base, but they sure wanted a lot of money for them.

stevefoxsc
01-26-2006, 12:58 AM
chuck norris just beat me at counter strike with a awp!!!! but i got my fair kills on him with a 15-35 record to his 83-47 :(

stevefoxsc
01-27-2006, 11:48 PM
bump

Packattack94
01-28-2006, 04:05 PM
Chuck Norris must have just threw a roundhouse in my son's room!
There is destruction and mayhem everywhere.:)

DragonBand06
01-30-2006, 07:43 PM
Chuck Norris just called me on the phone and said you all better start posting again or he's gonna give each one of you (and me) a hellacious roundhouse kick... :eek:

stevefoxsc
01-30-2006, 11:07 PM
Chuck Norris just called me on the phone and said you all better start posting again or he's gonna give each one of you (and me) a hellacious roundhouse kick... :eek:

he told me he was gona give me one of the hellacious roundhouse kick's :(

CKE
01-30-2006, 11:12 PM
he told me he was gona give me one of the hellacious roundhouse kick's :(

its going to happen dude start posting again

SeguinMatadors
01-30-2006, 11:13 PM
I would have Chuck Norris's kids.

CKE
01-30-2006, 11:17 PM
I would have Chuck Norris's kids.

you wouldnt be able to seguin no ordinary human can just have Chucks kids...........are you crazy

beachbum0x6
01-31-2006, 12:06 AM
Chuck Norris would be my hero, except coolestkidever is the one who's gonna rescue me in the end...2 bad 4 chuck norris

www.chucknorrisfacts.com/additionalfacts.html

CKE
01-31-2006, 12:13 AM
Chuck Norris is my hero!!

www.chucknorrisfacts.com/additionalfacts.html

who is your hero?

beachbum0x6
01-31-2006, 12:16 AM
Hey meet Chuck Norris at http://www.myspace.com/chucktatorship

beachbum0x6
01-31-2006, 12:25 AM
Chuck Norris would be my hero, except coolestkidever is the one who's gonna rescue me in the end...2 bad 4 chuck norris

www.chucknorrisfacts.com/additionalfacts.html

you r my hero! not chuck..hes old, lol

lonny23
01-31-2006, 03:26 AM
I would have Chuck Norris's kids.
Don't have the surgery. It's not worth it!:p

stevefoxsc
01-31-2006, 09:29 PM
you r my hero! not chuck..hes old, lol

dont let chucky hear that he will give you a hellacious round house to the face.

AllenEagle06
01-31-2006, 09:48 PM
dont let chucky hear that he will give you a hellacious round house to the face.
That probably happened the moment she clicked "Submit Reply"

stevefoxsc
01-31-2006, 09:59 PM
That probably happened the moment she clicked "Submit Reply"

lol yea as soon as it was click.... WAATAAAAA TSSSSHHHHHHHH

DragonBand06
01-31-2006, 11:16 PM
Yeah he's just like "Old? I'll show you Old School" and punches her out.

dragons08
01-31-2006, 11:23 PM
Don't have the surgery. It's not worth it!:p
you know from expirence i imagine?

OILERDT54
02-01-2006, 11:04 AM
Chuck Norris can believe its not butter!!!

lonny23
02-01-2006, 11:56 AM
you know from expirence i imagine?
No, because I'm not like all the girls falling all over you, Seguin, and CoolestKidEver!:p

CKE
02-01-2006, 01:49 PM
No, because I'm not like all the girls falling all over you, Seguin, and CoolestKidEver!:p

if chuck told you to get a sex change you would do it lonny:)

Slim-Rob
02-01-2006, 08:15 PM
http://img527.imageshack.us/img527/9136/chucknorrisjpg6mk.jpg

OILERDT54
02-01-2006, 09:29 PM
that is funny right there

stevefoxsc
02-01-2006, 11:00 PM
What Did He Die I Don't Believe It!

stevefoxsc
02-01-2006, 11:02 PM
oh.... you know what i was going to go back and edit my last post but then i realized i didn't even read the post and when i did i was alil ugggh wtf did i do for a sec. oh well get your jokes and laugh's at me while you can :cool:

wide-e-wide
02-01-2006, 11:23 PM
Chuck Norris roots for UT and dares you to call him a t-shirt fan.

dragonfootballfan
02-01-2006, 11:42 PM
Chuck Norris roots for UT and dares you to call him a t-shirt fan.
he actually has been called a T-shirt fan. wonder why hdshrinker doesn't post anymore?

stevefoxsc
02-02-2006, 01:42 PM
he actually has been called a T-shirt fan. wonder why hdshrinker doesn't post anymore?

he got a round house kick

stevefoxsc
02-06-2006, 02:20 PM
chuck norris say's he dont want no picante sauce from new york

stevefoxsc
02-09-2006, 06:12 PM
after finding this its right to post it here chuck vs bruce lee

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1168748814829516828&q=chuck+norris

http://media.putfile.com/Bruce-Lee---Fight-With-Chuck-Norris original

Slim-Rob
02-09-2006, 07:29 PM
after finding this its right to post it here chuck vs bruce lee

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1168748814829516828&q=chuck+norris

http://media.putfile.com/Bruce-Lee---Fight-With-Chuck-Norris original

LOL. Dude, Chuck Norris is popping up everywhere now that he was on here. He should pay us for re-finding him.


P.S. Im not gonna be the one to tell him he should pay us.

stevefoxsc
02-09-2006, 09:30 PM
LOL. Dude, Chuck Norris is popping up everywhere now that he was on here. He should pay us for re-finding him.


P.S. Im not gonna be the one to tell him he should pay us.

I'm not telling him he said he was gona round house me i'll tell him if bruce lee comes back to life and escorts me :eek:

Slim-Rob
02-09-2006, 09:56 PM
I'm not telling him he said he was gona round house me i'll tell him if bruce lee comes back to life and escorts me :eek:

Yeah, money isn't important enough to lose someone:D

Rerun
02-25-2006, 02:23 PM
http://content.ytmnd.com/content/f/6/f6a252293b552bd9e49afc63bf8a1205.gif

stevefoxsc
02-25-2006, 02:40 PM
hahahha thats funny.

CKE
02-25-2006, 06:45 PM
hahahha thats funny.

now not only is TH going to get round housed you are fopr laughing....................how stupid can some people get:rolleyes:

stevefoxsc
02-25-2006, 07:33 PM
now not only is TH going to get round housed you are fop laughing....................how stupid can some people get:rolleyes:

yea how can they:rolleyes:

CKE
02-25-2006, 08:23 PM
yea how can they:rolleyes:

oooooooo making fun of a mistype ya got me there.:eek: :rolleyes:

stevefoxsc
02-25-2006, 09:05 PM
oooooooo making fun of a mistype ya got me there.:eek: :rolleyes:


Yea i am even if make about 10+ a day :D

CKE
02-25-2006, 09:35 PM
Yea i am even if make about 10+ a day :D

this discussion has ended. i am a hijack king but this is one thread i will not hijack in fear i will get a roundhouse to the face.:eek:

bubbacoach
02-25-2006, 09:56 PM
this discussion has ended. i am a hijack king but this is one thread i will not hijack in fear i will get a roundhouse to the face.:eek:
Chuck Norris was borned a woman. That is why he fights like a girl.