True Story. One Sentence

[KattTx]

Some of these are pretty funny. We need a 5ATF True Story One Sentence thread.

http://www.onesentence.org/

Sample
I went to the freezer for some tortilla wraps and found a dead owl in there instead.

As I climbed into the dumpster to retrieve the vomit covered coloring book that my daughter was crying for me to bring back, I realized I would do anything as a parent.

[JBT]

Six weeks ago, I was pinched by a crab because I thought it was a giant seashell.

My aunt ran over my great-grandma because my great-grandma wouldn't let my aunt borrow her car.

My brother had to do defensive driving for running a stop sign; my 14-year-old (then 13) sister took the class for him.

[GoOwls]

If we were going to do any real justice to literary work, we would resurect the Wide-E-Wide 5A Haiku thread.

[KattTx]

Oh... I have faith in the well of creativity from which the Yard flows. :p

[mad_fan]

I knew everything...then I came to the Yard...

[lonny23]

My daughters like Roxette's "Real Sugar" song because they think Cookie Monster enjoys it!:D

[KattTx]

When one is led to create from scratch a heavenly marinade with the hellish heat of the chile piquine and the habanero, one must wash their hands vigorously before shaking the dew off the lily or else risk a rather embarrassing visit to the ER where staff will be telling your story for years to come.

[mad_fan]

When one is led to create from scratch a heavenly marinade with the hellish heat of the chile piquine and the habanero, one must wash their hands vigorously before shaking the dew off the lily or else risk a rather embarrassing visit to the ER where staff will be telling your story for years to come.

:eek:...

[CoveMom]

When one is led to create from scratch a heavenly marinade with the hellish heat of the chile piquine and the habanero, one must wash their hands vigorously before shaking the dew off the lily or else risk a rather embarrassing visit to the ER where staff will be telling your story for years to come.

:notworthy:D:notworthy:D:notworthy

[mad_fan]

I knew everything...then I came to the Yard...

...and met posters that actually do know everything...

[KattTx]

True story even though we didn't actually have to take him to the ER, we were close to it. He kept saying... "5 more minutes and we are going to the hospital". :D:D

[mad_fan]

:notworthy:D:notworthy:D:notworthy

It's not THAT funny...

[mad_fan]

It's not THAT funny...

:rolleyes:...
Too many smilies when I quoted you...:)

[KattTx]

Women think it's HILARIOUS. Men get a little queasy if they think about it too long. :p

[GoOwls]

...and met posters that actually do know everything...

Why......thank you......thank you very much..... :o :notworthy

[CoveMom]

It's not THAT funny...

jes it was. and today, after spending "quality time" with my son studying Algebra for the Accuplacer test....well, let's just say i resisted the urge to shop for peppers.....

[mad_fan]

Why......thank you......thank you very much..... :o :notworthy

Now if I can just hear from pied and bird...;)

[Mong Hu]

When having a beautifully prepared traditional Thanksgiving Dinner at a family friends house nothing changes the warm comforting mood quicker than having to ask the hostess were she keeps the plunger.

[Mong Hu]

We knew his future with us was in question when he asked the head freshmen football coach if there was any position he could play that involved a little less hitting.

[dragonsdaddy]

When one is led to create from scratch a heavenly marinade with the hellish heat of the chile piquine and the habanero, one must wash their hands vigorously before shaking the dew off the lily or else risk a rather embarrassing visit to the ER where staff will be telling your story for years to come.

never, and i mean never get amorous with a girlfriend after making nachos, without really, seriously washing one's hands.

[dragonsdaddy]

When having a beautifully prepared traditional Thanksgiving Dinner at a family friends house nothing changes the warm comforting mood quicker than having to ask the hostess were she keeps the plunger.

after peeling potatos for a large thanksgiving group, resist the urge to run the huge pile of skins down the disposal, unless your son-in-law is likely to be willing to dismantle your plumbing without proper tools while on his mini-vacation.

[dragonsdaddy]

We knew his future with us was in question when he asked the head freshmen football coach if there was any position he could play that involved a little less hitting.

when the seventh grade ref answers the question concerning why your friend's son was ejected from the game with "because he tackled him too hard", try not to throttle him.

[Favpack]

never, and i mean never get amorous with a girlfriend after making nachos, without really, seriously washing one's hands.

Nothing quite ruins the mood like raising both hands, palms facing inward and announcing "let me go scrub in first".

[Maroondog]

after peeling potatos for a large thanksgiving group, resist the urge to run the huge pile of skins down the disposal, unless your son-in-law is likely to be willing to dismantle your plumbing without proper tools while on his mini-vacation.

Reminds me of the time I had to call a plumber on Christmas Day after my mother in law got through plugging up the sink disposal with half cooked brussel sprouts.
She looked like a minuteman stuffing grapeshot into a cannon.
I was NOT, repeat NOT, a happy camper that day.

[jrock210]

I never realized organism and orgasm are such close words, until the day i made my science presentation.


Snowboarding is awesome until the tree gets in the way.

[the_phoenix612]

I never realized organism and orgasm are such close words, until the day i made my science presentation.


Snowboarding is awesome until the tree gets in the way.

I once turned in a paper with that mistake. No lie.

[LUFPAN]

Its best not to tell your family that you won't know whether your going to be home for Thanksgiving till you find out if your high school team is advancing to the next round of the play-offs.

[jrock210]

I once turned in a paper with that mistake. No lie.

Same here.

Apparently an orgasm responds to stimuli.

It was an honest mistake

[jrock210]

I won 5 bucks when I was six, when my brother dared me to stick the hanger into the electric socket.

[the_phoenix612]

Same here.

Apparently an orgasm responds to stimuli.

It was an honest mistake

O.o

[JMSFan]

Propping up the shovel and kicking it until the handle breaks, does NOT mean you wont have to continue digging the drainage ditch in the front yard.

[jrock210]

After peeing my pants, I jumped into the fountain in my tux to cover it up.

[BDB]

as i felt the effects of the cough syrup, causing me to lose my sense of touch, i realized that the nyquil bottle had opened in my pocket, and i was infact NOT pissing my pants.

[Firebird]

My stomach felt light and relaxed as I walked away from The Zipper, though I couldn't help but overhear snippets of curses and blasphemies coming from the mouth of the filthy carnie glumly hosing down the seat I had previously occupied.

[Firebird]

As she screamed in pain I sat frozen in my seat after the Japanese chef accidentally tossed a hot hibachi shrimp down the front of my junior prom date's dress, not knowing whether to let her take care of it herself or lend her a helping hand.