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Redneckn
12-01-2005, 12:39 AM
Do y'all think I should start a list of things I have done so you'll know not to do them?

SeguinMatadors
12-01-2005, 12:42 AM
Do y'all think I should start a list of things I have done so you'll know not to do them?

God yes. Then others chime in with theirs. Lessons for all of us young guys from you old guys.

Redneckn
12-01-2005, 12:52 AM
God yes. Then others chime in with theirs. Lessons for all of us young guys from you old guys.


I can pretty much promise you that my stuff ain't like theirs.

I got arrested on the side of I-220 in Shreveport when I was 17. They had me standing on the side of the road in 5pm traffic and were seaching me. I got to face traffic wearing Bullwinkle boxers...
That is honestly the only time I have ever been in serious trouble. But it's all good now. When I was in jail I got to me a real serious crazy guy. He was pulling things off of himself that weren't really there. He had cigaretts. I wanted one. So I started telling him that he missed some.. He gave me a smoke for helping him out.


Moral of the story. Don't do anything stupid enough to land yourself in jail. While it may seem funny now, it really was not. That mess followed me around for 3 years. Kept me from doing a lot of stuff. So you young fellas, don't do stupid stuff. And having a crackhead brother is no excuse.

lonny23
12-01-2005, 12:55 AM
I want to know all the stupid stuff you've done or wish you hadn't done. It's funny to hear, we'll all join in, and a lot of people will learn things. One of my goals on the board is to help people out.

dragons08
12-01-2005, 04:17 PM
I want to know all the stupid stuff you've done or wish you hadn't done. It's funny to hear, we'll all join in, and a lot of people will learn things. One of my goals on the board is to help people out.
and make fun of D08 right?

dragons08
12-01-2005, 04:18 PM
yea tell us, i need a good chuckle!

mad_fan
12-01-2005, 05:38 PM
If you've never discharged a firearm in your pickup and had the round ricochet up into the battery, you ain't a redneck (another beer related incident).

I say lay 'em on us...:D

lonny23
12-01-2005, 06:02 PM
and make fun of D08 right?
My goal is to make fun of everybody!:D

lonny23
12-01-2005, 06:04 PM
If you've never discharged a firearm in your pickup and had the round ricochet up into the battery, you ain't a redneck (another beer related incident).

I say lay 'em on us...:D
How many kids do you have? You have a problem controlling your weapon!:p

Redneckn
12-01-2005, 08:34 PM
Well, no guns fired "inside" the truck. But we did go deer hunting (a relative term mind you) one nite in the back field. With 9mm handguns. Took a 157lb doe. For months before this we would go down front and kill coons in the pecan trees. The deer would be out there and after a while, they figured we weren't there for them. So they'd just kind of hang out. One nite were were out looking for bobcats and came up on the little herd (about 12) deer. My fellow redneck is says "let's kill a deer". I says "ok". So I drove towards them, they didn't go anywhere. So Chris just levels on a doe point blank. Hour later, we were cleaning a deer and I was trying to find the little one that was with said doe. Of all the doe there, he had to shoot the one with a yearling. The little one hooked up 2 days later with another doe and we didn't shoot anymore deer on my place.

mad_fan
12-02-2005, 06:47 PM
How many kids do you have? You have a problem controlling your weapon!:p


There was a sheath on the weapon...didn't stop anything...:D

mad_fan
12-02-2005, 06:50 PM
Well, no guns fired "inside" the truck. But we did go deer hunting (a relative term mind you) one nite in the back field. With 9mm handguns. Took a 157lb doe. For months before this we would go down front and kill coons in the pecan trees. The deer would be out there and after a while, they figured we weren't there for them. So they'd just kind of hang out. One nite were were out looking for bobcats and came up on the little herd (about 12) deer. My fellow redneck is says "let's kill a deer". I says "ok". So I drove towards them, they didn't go anywhere. So Chris just levels on a doe point blank. Hour later, we were cleaning a deer and I was trying to find the little one that was with said doe. Of all the doe there, he had to shoot the one with a yearling. The little one hooked up 2 days later with another doe and we didn't shoot anymore deer on my place.


So if I understand...from the vehicle...with a handgun? You redneckin'!;)

lonny23
12-02-2005, 09:28 PM
There was a sheath on the weapon...didn't stop anything...:D
Those sheaths aren't too dependable!:p

lonny23
12-02-2005, 09:29 PM
There was a sheath on the weapon...didn't stop anything...:D
Nice sig. 2 more and you're just as annoying as me!:D

Redneckn
12-04-2005, 10:45 PM
Ok. Stupid story time...Calm down people. This one is pretty stupid.

I was working for Sears back in 1994. I worked in the office for a while and then decided I wanted to be a technician. So I lied to them and told them I knew how to work on lawnmowers and small engines. They knew I was full of it, but were needing people so they let me do it. They had me ride around with this old guy for about 6 weeks to learn some stuff. I learned how to take your time, take the long way home, and talk to the customer whenever you can about anything. That way you can get about 15-20 hours overtime every week. I also learned that if it don't look right, smack it with a 5lb sledgehammer until it looks right. You never know, it just might work.

So, my first week by myself working. I spilled used oil all over some folks really nice new White driveway. I freaked out. The old lady was kool about it though. I dodged a bullet there. I put a belt on a mower backwards and in front of the old man, put it in 3rd and high, let off the clutch and took off full speed. But was going backwards. 8 years later, he still wouldnt let me work on his mower.
Now, the big one. I went out to a fella house to install a new Briggs and Stratton engine. He had been waiting about a month for us to come fix this machine. I get out there and 45 mins. later, I have the new engine ready to go. I get on the mower, crank it and take off mowing. I get about 20 yards away from the van and start to hear this odd sounding squeek. I stop and just listen to it. It started getting louder. I think perhaps I had the belt keeper rubbing the engine pulley. I turn and am heading back to the van to fix it. The noise is getting louder. I'm looking at the van and thinking, "why did I leave that oil can sitting there." About the time it dawned on me what I'd forgot to do, it was too late. The engine seized up. I was scared to death. I went and told the old guy that something was wrong with the engine and I was going to have to get him another. His grass was waste high and he was 9 kinds of pissed. I took the engine off the machine and then went home. I was outside all night trying to get the piston un-stuck. Somewhere around 1am I got it. Everything seemed right. I went in early the next day and went right to that guys house before he had a chance to call up there and rat me out. I put the engine on, filled it with oil and took off.
That was in 1994. In 2002, I passed by his house and he was out there mowing on that same old machine. I pulled his service history to see if anything else had ever been done to that engine. Nothing. Other than oil changes and a starter, he never had any problems. Again, I dodged a major bullet.

The moral of the story is: If you can keep from getting caught, that's the best thing to do. If you don't think you can keep from getting caught. Try to anyway.

lonny23
12-05-2005, 12:18 AM
Ok. Stupid story time...Calm down people. This one is pretty stupid.

I was working for Sears back in 1994. I worked in the office for a while and then decided I wanted to be a technician. So I lied to them and told them I knew how to work on lawnmowers and small engines. They knew I was full of it, but were needing people so they let me do it. They had me ride around with this old guy for about 6 weeks to learn some stuff. I learned how to take your time, take the long way home, and talk to the customer whenever you can about anything. That way you can get about 15-20 hours overtime every week. I also learned that if it don't look right, smack it with a 5lb sledgehammer until it looks right. You never know, it just might work.

So, my first week by myself working. I spilled used oil all over some folks really nice new White driveway. I freaked out. The old lady was kool about it though. I dodged a bullet there. I put a belt on a mower backwards and in front of the old man, put it in 3rd and high, let off the clutch and took off full speed. But was going backwards. 8 years later, he still wouldnt let me work on his mower.
Now, the big one. I went out to a fella house to install a new Briggs and Stratton engine. He had been waiting about a month for us to come fix this machine. I get out there and 45 mins. later, I have the new engine ready to go. I get on the mower, crank it and take off mowing. I get about 20 yards away from the van and start to hear this odd sounding squeek. I stop and just listen to it. It started getting louder. I think perhaps I had the belt keeper rubbing the engine pulley. I turn and am heading back to the van to fix it. The noise is getting louder. I'm looking at the van and thinking, "why did I leave that oil can sitting there." About the time it dawned on me what I'd forgot to do, it was too late. The engine seized up. I was scared to death. I went and told the old guy that something was wrong with the engine and I was going to have to get him another. His grass was waste high and he was 9 kinds of pissed. I took the engine off the machine and then went home. I was outside all night trying to get the piston un-stuck. Somewhere around 1am I got it. Everything seemed right. I went in early the next day and went right to that guys house before he had a chance to call up there and rat me out. I put the engine on, filled it with oil and took off.
That was in 1994. In 2002, I passed by his house and he was out there mowing on that same old machine. I pulled his service history to see if anything else had ever been done to that engine. Nothing. Other than oil changes and a starter, he never had any problems. Again, I dodged a major bullet.

The moral of the story is: If you can keep from getting caught, that's the best thing to do. If you don't think you can keep from getting caught. Try to anyway.
Lonny's moral to the story. You're always better off to be honest and up front. If you do what Redneckn did, you might win a few, but you're going to get jacked up when you get caught. Bosses hate people hiding stuff. I agree with trying to make something right, but you have to come clean.

Redneckn
12-05-2005, 11:21 PM
Here's another one for y'all. I like to call this one: The evils of Tequilla

The day my X and divorced, she remarried.

After some time, perhaps a year or so, he decided I didn't need to see my kids. Well, I had a problem with that. So there was much back and forth on this and I did get to see my kids, but not very often.

One nite I was downtown gettin' my party on and my pager goes off. It's X wife. I call, she and I ended up having words. I hung up and proceeded to get my party on. About 2 hours after she and I yelled at each other, pager goes off again. Well, at this point I'm pretty lit. I call. Richard gets on the fone and starts flapping his jaws at me. I tell him "bring it you s.o.b. I down here at Club Isabella." My buddy and I hang for a bit and I never saw him. We left and went to Malibu beach club. Started taking shot of tequilla. I was loaded bad. We decided we were gonna go back around to Isabellas. I round the corner and see a fist coming at me. I turn and kind of duck and get popped in the side of my head. I look up and there's this fella talking some trash at me. I had no clue who he was. He charges me and I grab him and toss him right back. He bounces on his arse 3 times and is right back on his feet. I clearly recall thinking "who the hell is this". So we have some words and square off. I'm looking at all 5 of him and can't decided which one is actually him. My buddy is just kinda standing there. I turn to ask him who this guy is. Buddy is gone. Dude is steady talking trash at me. I have no clue who it is. I take my wallet out and twist the chain up and he decides he wants none. He kind of walks off. Talking trash the whole way. I have no clue who this guy. I went on and got more drunk. Never did locate buddy. Went home about 5am.
About noon or so, X calls talking crap about Richard kicking me arse. I start laffing and tell her he sucker punched me when I rounded the corner. She hung up. Richard called back and was telling me how he was drunk and could we just forget the whole thing since we were both outta line. So I'm like "yeah". I get off the fone and decide, no, I wasnt wrong. But that part is another story.

The moral of this story: dont drink Tequilla to the point where you arent gonna know who it is that sucker punches you as you round a corner.

lonny23
12-05-2005, 11:53 PM
Here's another one for y'all. I like to call this one: The evils of Tequilla

The day my X and divorced, she remarried.

After some time, perhaps a year or so, he decided I didn't need to see my kids. Well, I had a problem with that. So there was much back and forth on this and I did get to see my kids, but not very often.

One nite I was downtown gettin' my party on and my pager goes off. It's X wife. I call, she and I ended up having words. I hung up and proceeded to get my party on. About 2 hours after she and I yelled at each other, pager goes off again. Well, at this point I'm pretty lit. I call. Richard gets on the fone and starts flapping his jaws at me. I tell him "bring it you s.o.b. I down here at Club Isabella." My buddy and I hang for a bit and I never saw him. We left and went to Malibu beach club. Started taking shot of tequilla. I was loaded bad. We decided we were gonna go back around to Isabellas. I round the corner and see a fist coming at me. I turn and kind of duck and get popped in the side of my head. I look up and there's this fella talking some trash at me. I had no clue who he was. He charges me and I grab him and toss him right back. He bounces on his arse 3 times and is right back on his feet. I clearly recall thinking "who the hell is this". So we have some words and square off. I'm looking at all 5 of him and can't decided which one is actually him. My buddy is just kinda standing there. I turn to ask him who this guy is. Buddy is gone. Dude is steady talking trash at me. I have no clue who it is. I take my wallet out and twist the chain up and he decides he wants none. He kind of walks off. Talking trash the whole way. I have no clue who this guy. I went on and got more drunk. Never did locate buddy. Went home about 5am.
About noon or so, X calls talking crap about Richard kicking me arse. I start laffing and tell her he sucker punched me when I rounded the corner. She hung up. Richard called back and was telling me how he was drunk and could we just forget the whole thing since we were both outta line. So I'm like "yeah". I get off the fone and decide, no, I wasnt wrong. But that part is another story.

The moral of this story: dont drink Tequilla to the point where you arent gonna know who it is that sucker punches you as you round a corner.
Your stories are better than Paul Harvey's stories!:D

Primetime536
12-06-2005, 12:10 AM
haha your stories are entertaining.

Redneckn
12-06-2005, 12:32 AM
Well thanks guys.

Let me ask you something. If you were in a book store and saw on the shelf a book titled: Redneck'n, an unauthorized biography. Would you buy it? Would you steal it? Would you come on here and tell me you saw it and leave it at that?


The reason why I ask is because Baby and I were talking the other day about how funny it would be if she wrote a book about me and my life. And what if it sold quite a few, and how funny that would be.

I couldn't get in any real trouble because I've already done my time on everything..haha.. ok, not really. But sort of..


I'll tell y'all one more Richard story.
The nite my X told me (over the fone) that she was shacking up with this guy, I went ape. I tried like to hell to get my fat body thru the fone. Didn't work. I ended up scaring my sister really bad. That part made me feel really bad. I didn't know anybody was home. My sister was still in high school and had never seen/heard me freak out on anyone. And in fact, thinking back on that. Remind me sometime about that and there is an odd little factoid that kinda goes along with it.
Anyway. I went nuts on the fone. I knew they were in Bossier. And I knew what part of Bossier. But that was it. I tell X: "I'm gonna come over there and smash this guys knees. And yours too since the kids ain't there".
Then I smashed the phone into my computer keyboard. Next, I went outside and got in the pool and swam for a while. Then I went to a friend of mines house and stayed up all nite playing music.

3 days later, I talk to X. She says: "Richard sat up all nite and everytime a car passed by, he was looking out the window." Then she starts laffing. She says "it never dawned on him that you didn't know where he lived". I says: "I'm not wasting my time driving around looking for somebody I don't even know. I can wait and you'll have to tell me since the kids live there too".

I never did bash either of their knees. I did walk into their house and crawl into a recliner with Richard and beat his face into a mess. Then I looked at X and asked her if she wanted any. She said "no. will you please just leave." I left. But that was about 2 years later that I did that.

mad_fan
12-06-2005, 04:09 AM
I'd read it in the bookstore.:p

lonny23
12-06-2005, 06:24 AM
Well thanks guys.

Let me ask you something. If you were in a book store and saw on the shelf a book titled: Redneck'n, an unauthorized biography. Would you buy it? Would you steal it? Would you come on here and tell me you saw it and leave it at that?


The reason why I ask is because Baby and I were talking the other day about how funny it would be if she wrote a book about me and my life. And what if it sold quite a few, and how funny that would be.

I couldn't get in any real trouble because I've already done my time on everything..haha.. ok, not really. But sort of..


I'll tell y'all one more Richard story.
The nite my X told me (over the fone) that she was shacking up with this guy, I went ape. I tried like to hell to get my fat body thru the fone. Didn't work. I ended up scaring my sister really bad. That part made me feel really bad. I didn't know anybody was home. My sister was still in high school and had never seen/heard me freak out on anyone. And in fact, thinking back on that. Remind me sometime about that and there is an odd little factoid that kinda goes along with it.
Anyway. I went nuts on the fone. I knew they were in Bossier. And I knew what part of Bossier. But that was it. I tell X: "I'm gonna come over there and smash this guys knees. And yours too since the kids ain't there".
Then I smashed the phone into my computer keyboard. Next, I went outside and got in the pool and swam for a while. Then I went to a friend of mines house and stayed up all nite playing music.

3 days later, I talk to X. She says: "Richard sat up all nite and everytime a car passed by, he was looking out the window." Then she starts laffing. She says "it never dawned on him that you didn't know where he lived". I says: "I'm not wasting my time driving around looking for somebody I don't even know. I can wait and you'll have to tell me since the kids live there too".

I never did bash either of their knees. I did walk into their house and crawl into a recliner with Richard and beat his face into a mess. Then I looked at X and asked her if she wanted any. She said "no. will you please just leave." I left. But that was about 2 years later that I did that.
Why don't you add the factoid now?

lonny23
12-06-2005, 06:25 AM
I'd read it in the bookstore.:p
Yeah, he thinks we're going to give him money to get in more trouble.

Now that I think about it, maybe I WILL buy the book!:p

lonny23
12-06-2005, 06:37 AM
Do y'all think I should start a list of things I have done so you'll know not to do them?
I see you're from Vatican City now.

The Pope must diet!:p

Redneckn
12-06-2005, 09:00 AM
Ok. The factoid from the story.

There is a point of being "out of your head" where certain instincts take over.
Like "fasting", you deprive your body of things to "think" more clearly. That's why shows like Survivor fascinate me so much. They are all out there hungry and you see the way they do each other and they do it without taking anything other than "what can save me right now" into mind.
I also think there is a point of doing drugs where you can begin to see things on another level. A level that men were not ever s'posed to know about and or see. And I'm not gonna get into all that here because I'm just not. You can pm me if you're really that interested.

My factoid was that in the midst of my being the most angry I think I've ever been, after I smashed the fone I feel like I did not know who I was for a short time. Then I walked out of the room and I could "sense" that somebody had been there. You know that feeling you get when you know you're being watched? Kinda like that, but about 100X more intense. So, I knew somebody had been there. Several days later, my told me my sister had come in. I know I did not hear her, I would have never gone off like that knowing my sister was within earshot.

My point is that I think there are levels of "basic" humanism that most of us do not notice because our society has become so advanced.

That was the factoid.

mad_fan
12-06-2005, 11:40 PM
Well, that's deep!:D

Seriously, I know what you mean. This time of year I get very busy and could work 20 hours a day. I deprive myself of sleep, but after the first week of doing it I think my senses are more acutely sensitive.:D

But then again, when I drink I think my reaction time improves.:confused:

Redneckn
12-07-2005, 12:36 AM
My crackhead brother seriously is an great driver when he's had about 10 of them big beers. Before that and after that, he is useless. I won't ride with him unless he's had about 3-4 beers. Actually, I won't ride with him at all now since he's in Georgia and I'm in 05:22:09:12. Also there is that little fact that I don't care to be around him anymore. His mind is all screwed up now from doing so many drugs. He was telling me one night that he was seeing the devil and stuff. It was pretty crazy.

I think that the "apple" (from Adam&Eve fame) was something that was mind altering. I think that's why God got so pissed. They were taking themselves to a level where men don't belong.
Just what I think. You're all free to think what you want to think.


A crackhead brother story.

I used to live in the Fairmont apartments in downtown Shreveport. So did my brother. We lived on the 3rd floor, he lived on the 12th.
To fill this in and help you understand. I started dating my Xwife when I was in 10th grade. We got married our senior year. She has hated my brother from day 1 she met him. He thought she could do no wrong. For all my brothers faults, he can cook. And I don't mean like Rice-A-Roni. I mean, like gourmet knock your socks off cook.
So, we lived in that apartment building. Every nite, and I do mean every, my brother would come by and bring us dinner. He said that since my X was pregnant and I can't could we both needed to eat. Full meal, everything.
So one nite he came down, brought us some food. And was hanging out talking. My fone rings. It's his old lady. Actually some tramp he was dating for a while. But she went off on him because he wasnt at home. He was all polite. Says: "I gotta go, my little pet is upset because I'm not. I better go and spend some time with her". So he leave, we are eating. It's about 20 mins later, fone rings again. It's my brother. He says: "since you're on the 3rd floor, can i get you to out to the Common Street side and get my boot"? I says: "What?" He says: "I'm tossing this whores sh!t out and I accidently threw one of my boots out". I say: "yeah, I'll have it in my apartment." He says: "Make sure you look up before you walk out because I'm tossing this b!t<h out next and in fact, if she's laying there bleeding, dont help her, just get my boot".
I go out there. There are clothes and crap all over the street. I get the boot and go back to my apartment. About the time I get good and settled in my chair. Door knock! It's the girl. She's all crying and stuff. So I look at her and I tell her: "look. You need to go somewhere and get yourself some help. you're on drugs and so is my brother." My X wife comes over to the door and the girl is all like "oh, hey Casey. Cliff and I had a fight and I don't think he wants me there." Xwife says: "Ya think?" Girl: "yeah. He tossed my stuff out the window, but I got it all and its in this bag. Can I stay here tonite?" Xwife: "Uh, NO!" Girl: "well, ok. Y'all take care and I'll call in a few days when this blows over and we can all go out". Girl leaves.
To this day, I think she went and slept on the roof. But I have no way to prove that.
Sure enough, she was back the next day and everything was fine.
About 6 months later my brother calls. Said he was in Wyoming. He took that girl to her parents house and dumped her off. He then came home and went to jail shortly thereafter for something. I can't remember what.
Anyway, Casey and I had our little girl a few months after that. And 4 years later, we got divorced.


Moral of the story: Drugs are bad. Whores are bad. My X wife is satan.
And if you're going to be a crackhead, at least know how to cook really good.

mad_fan
12-07-2005, 06:39 AM
Your brother and mine could be the same guy.:eek:

I don't drink and drive. When I lived in San Antonio after high school, I had an apartment on the northeast side. I was walking home from a party at a friends place about 2:00 AM. A cop drove past me...turned around...drove by...turned around again...and stopped beside me...lights a blazin'. After exchanging 2:00 AM kinda greetings, as a drunk and a cop would do in such a situation, the cop picked up my nearly empty half-gallon Jim Beam bottle, which I had courteously placed on the ground as order, and poured it out along the curb.

When we arrived at my apartment he wanted to know where my parents were. I told him they were home in bed, and added that we should all be...he didn't have nearly my sense of humor. Note: I get funnier the more I drink, too.

He took his handcuffs away from he...gave he my drives license back...and said he didn't want to see me again.

I guess it was probably hard for those cops to decide what to do with us 18 year olds who drank legally for a while than couldn't when the legal age changed to 19.

I have one other 18 but not yet 19 story for another day...some of you may have been there...or heard of it...it had to be the biggest party ever in Comal county...what with all the teens and cops and TABC agents and news people...

It's the great story of Mad's first TV appearance...
It's the great story of Mad_Mom's first time seeing Mad on the news...
It's the great story of Mad_Dad's first stab at playing defense attorney.

lonny23
12-07-2005, 07:48 AM
Your brother and mine could be the same guy.:eek:

I don't drink and drive. When I lived in San Antonio after high school, I had an apartment on the northeast side. I was walking home from a party at a friends place about 2:00 AM. A cop drove past me...turned around...drove by...turned around again...and stopped beside me...lights a blazin'. After exchanging 2:00 AM kinda greetings, as a drunk and a cop would do in such a situation, the cop picked up my nearly empty half-gallon Jim Beam bottle, which I had courteously placed on the ground as order, and poured it out along the curb.

When we arrived at my apartment he wanted to know where my parents were. I told him they were home in bed, and added that we should all be...he didn't have nearly my sense of humor. Note: I get funnier the more I drink, too.

He took his handcuffs away from he...gave he my drives license back...and said he didn't want to see me again.

I guess it was probably hard for those cops to decide what to do with us 18 year olds who drank legally for a while than couldn't when the legal age changed to 19.

I have one other 18 but not yet 19 story for another day...some of you may have been there...or heard of it...it had to be the biggest party ever in Comal county...what with all the teens and cops and TABC agents and news people...

It's the great story of Mad's first TV appearance...
It's the great story of Mad_Mom's first time seeing Mad on the news...
It's the great story of Mad_Dad's first stab at playing defense attorney.
That same car is going to run over you again next year!:p

Go ahead and tell the story.

lonny23
12-07-2005, 07:49 AM
My crackhead brother seriously is an great driver when he's had about 10 of them big beers. Before that and after that, he is useless. I won't ride with him unless he's had about 3-4 beers. Actually, I won't ride with him at all now since he's in Georgia and I'm in 05:22:09:12. Also there is that little fact that I don't care to be around him anymore. His mind is all screwed up now from doing so many drugs. He was telling me one night that he was seeing the devil and stuff. It was pretty crazy.

I think that the "apple" (from Adam&Eve fame) was something that was mind altering. I think that's why God got so pissed. They were taking themselves to a level where men don't belong.
Just what I think. You're all free to think what you want to think.


A crackhead brother story.

I used to live in the Fairmont apartments in downtown Shreveport. So did my brother. We lived on the 3rd floor, he lived on the 12th.
To fill this in and help you understand. I started dating my Xwife when I was in 10th grade. We got married our senior year. She has hated my brother from day 1 she met him. He thought she could do no wrong. For all my brothers faults, he can cook. And I don't mean like Rice-A-Roni. I mean, like gourmet knock your socks off cook.
So, we lived in that apartment building. Every nite, and I do mean every, my brother would come by and bring us dinner. He said that since my X was pregnant and I can't could we both needed to eat. Full meal, everything.
So one nite he came down, brought us some food. And was hanging out talking. My fone rings. It's his old lady. Actually some tramp he was dating for a while. But she went off on him because he wasnt at home. He was all polite. Says: "I gotta go, my little pet is upset because I'm not. I better go and spend some time with her". So he leave, we are eating. It's about 20 mins later, fone rings again. It's my brother. He says: "since you're on the 3rd floor, can i get you to out to the Common Street side and get my boot"? I says: "What?" He says: "I'm tossing this whores sh!t out and I accidently threw one of my boots out". I say: "yeah, I'll have it in my apartment." He says: "Make sure you look up before you walk out because I'm tossing this b!t<h out next and in fact, if she's laying there bleeding, dont help her, just get my boot".
I go out there. There are clothes and crap all over the street. I get the boot and go back to my apartment. About the time I get good and settled in my chair. Door knock! It's the girl. She's all crying and stuff. So I look at her and I tell her: "look. You need to go somewhere and get yourself some help. you're on drugs and so is my brother." My X wife comes over to the door and the girl is all like "oh, hey Casey. Cliff and I had a fight and I don't think he wants me there." Xwife says: "Ya think?" Girl: "yeah. He tossed my stuff out the window, but I got it all and its in this bag. Can I stay here tonite?" Xwife: "Uh, NO!" Girl: "well, ok. Y'all take care and I'll call in a few days when this blows over and we can all go out". Girl leaves.
To this day, I think she went and slept on the roof. But I have no way to prove that.
Sure enough, she was back the next day and everything was fine.
About 6 months later my brother calls. Said he was in Wyoming. He took that girl to her parents house and dumped her off. He then came home and went to jail shortly thereafter for something. I can't remember what.
Anyway, Casey and I had our little girl a few months after that. And 4 years later, we got divorced.


Moral of the story: Drugs are bad. Whores are bad. My X wife is satan.
And if you're going to be a crackhead, at least know how to cook really good.
Where is that at? I usually know this stuff, but I can't explain this one.

mad_fan
12-07-2005, 08:04 PM
That same car is going to run over you again next year!:p

Go ahead and tell the story.


But it won't say Studebaker or Judson on the grill.:p

lonny23
12-08-2005, 01:07 AM
But it won't say Studebaker or Judson on the grill.:p
With 4 teams, It WILL say Judson if Reagan doesn't make the playoffs!:D

Redneckn
12-08-2005, 10:47 PM
I was sitting here trying to think of a good one that will make y'all laff pretty good. I am leaving for Shreveport after work tomorrow so I won't be able to post anything until I get back Sunday nite.

Let's talk about mud tires...
A few years back I decided that I needed so really large mud tires for my GMC. This is funny enough because it is a 2wd truck. So I had the classic redneck thing where you have huge mudders on the back and regular radials on the front. Only my regular radials were pretty big tires. So I start calling around to see who has what and for how much. I finally decided to go to JimsSouth and get some Cooper mudders. They are huge. The largest size that will fit on a stock rim. Paid $120 each for them. I get them mounted and balanced. Then I proceed back to the farm for a little action. But it's dry everywhere. So I just go shooting stuff instead.
That nite, I'm getting ready to crash and I hear the weather dude talking about rain overnite. So I decided to go do some perch fishing while I wait for it to rain. About 1am I give up on the rain and come on in and go to bed. Somewhere around 3:30am I wake up to thunder and lightning. I get up, grab my boot and go get in the truck.
At the farm, there is an old logging road that leads from the front pasture up this clay hill that is all washed out and then on to the back. That's where I go. So I go and romp up this hill. I'm pretty happy because before the mudders, if it was even remotely wet, I couldn't get up that hill. I get up to the top and turn around. I decide that I want to get half way down it and try to come back up it in reverse. (that's one of our stupid things we do in the mud) I get to the steep part and back back up the hill. Cool! I'm coming back down to go back to the house. I'm all happy and stuff. The truck starts sliding, did I mention the hill is clay? At the bottom of the hill the little road makes a direct right turn. If you fail to make this turn, you have 2 options. Oak tree or creek. So there I am, sliding. I am standing on the brakes and I shift it into reverse. That slows me down enough to get into the turn. I stand on the brake again to shift it into drive. The front tires, radials, will not catch and I smack right into a tree. As this is happening, I realize that the tree is gonna get hit and there is nothing I can do about it. So I thinking, I will not abandon my ship. I will ride this out. Then I think out loud: "Oh sh!t...AIRBAG". Immediately I recall my sisters face after her airbag deployed. I did what any good redneck would do. I hit the deck.
The truck hit the tree. No air bag. I didn't hit it hard enough. All it did was crack the little lens over my left hand turn light. I went on to the house and went to bed.
After that nite, it because ritual that if you can go up in reverse, your truck might be a redneck.


So there's my story for the nite. If y'all liked that one, then decided which you want to read next. Drowning my fourwheeler while trespassing or drowning my mudtruck ('79F-250 redneck'd out) in the pond. Both are pretty funny.

Redneckn
12-20-2005, 02:28 PM
So, truck in the pond or 4wheeler in the pond?

CLFalcon2006
12-20-2005, 11:30 PM
Heres my muddin story. Me and a bunch of my friends were watching the 2004 Oklahoma-Texas game and decided to go mudding around the time we got tried of watching Texas lose. We didn't have a bonafied mudding vehicle. We took my rich friends fully loaded custom F-150, An excursion, and this ratty old priece of s**t truck that had trailer tires on it. We went to this mud hole behind Wal-Mart (for those of you in Houston its the Wal-Mart at the end of El Dorado Blvd along the Gulf Freeway). The only probelm was we decided to go mudding after a heavy rain storm the night before. There was mud, there were also a bunch of huge ponds and lakes. We get to it and its great for about an hour. I was in the excusion and we decided to play a little to close to this giant gaping hole that had filled up with water. We lost control and started to slide down into the "lake" that had formed. It was shear luck that we hit some kind of solid ground and drove this heavy Excusion back out of the hole. We proceed to head deeper into the forest, and its all fun until we come to this pond. The f-150 makes it through but the heavy excusion sinks deeper into the mud and bottoms out and is stuck. After an hour we manage to pull the excursion out with the F-150, with us pushing it. So we continue along until we reach a huge pond blocking our exit from the forest. Remember we can't go back because of the other pond the excursion got stuck in (because of the ruts left by the exursion its a lot deeper). Us being the idiots we are decided to drive through the pond. Its not like this was even gonna be close, this pond was obviously a good 3 to 4 feet deep and there was a fallen tree dwon the middle of it which forced us into the deepest part of the water, we just decided to go for it. So sure enough the f-150 gets stuck and by stuck i mean the right side sinks and the truck is at a 45 degree angle. After two hours we managed to chop down some trees and gather enough wood to make a path for the truck to back out and with the help of the excursion we get out. We decide to go the way we came and try our luck with the puddle the excursion got stuck in. This time the excursion makes it but immedatley after making it through the pond the excursion gets stuck on these really deep ruts we hadn't seen before. Now the excursion is once again resting on its axles and gas tank with the wheels touching nothing. The F-150 then gets stuck in the pond the excursion got stuck in earlier. Right now the only vehicle we have in the mud is that stupid old rust bucket with the trailer tires, the only reason it hasn't gotten stuck is because its so light and the driver wasn't stupid and dint go itnto the woods with us. This truck obviously can't pull us out so we calla ll these people we don't even know, we just know they have big trucks that can get us out. It's getting dark and we have nearly our entire class of 2006 out in this mud hole behind Wal-mart. Heres were things get interesting. More of my stupid friends show up (not there to help just to watch) and they tell us that they "may or may not have cused out the store manager in the parking lot". 20 minutes later we look into the parking lot and there are 3 police cars and cops starting to head through the mud towards us in the woods. We all tear into the woods in different directions. Eventually me and three of my friends found our way around Wal-mart and into the parking lot. We had heard from the same guys that cused out the manager that they had a cell in their truck that had a number of this guy from Clear Brook who had the perfect truck to get us out. So we find his truck in the parking lot and can see the cell phone in his cup holder, the truck is locked however and we can't get in. So I get into the bed of his truck and start screwin with the back window (all this time there is wal-mart security guys driving around and those three cop cars are still there). Eventually I slide open the back window and get the phone. We decide to go to whataburger (which is across the parking lot) and call all the people on the phone looking for the guy in Brook who has thr truck (we were also hungry and din't care if the rest of our friends were still hiding in the woods, by the way its night time now). So we eat dinner and eventually get ahold of Brook truck guy. He says he'll pull us out when he gets done with work, which will be at 11. We leave whataburger and the cops are gone, the excursion and the f-150 don't even have any tickets on them which was pretty cool. Eventually everyone emerges from the woods and 11:30 rolls by and this beutiful lifted massive truck starts crossing the field. He easily pulls out both the excursion and the f-150. The worst that happend was my friend who was hiding in the woods from the cops got a tick bite.

CLFalcon2006
12-20-2005, 11:30 PM
Crap that thing is long, read it you'll laugh...

wide-e-wide
12-20-2005, 11:36 PM
No wonder the South lost...Rednecks are a bunch of damn idiots.

CLFalcon2006
12-20-2005, 11:40 PM
No wonder the South lost...Rednecks are a bunch of damn idiots.

Maybe so but at least we have fun while being idiots.:D

Redneckn
12-22-2005, 03:53 PM
No wonder the South lost...Rednecks are a bunch of damn idiots.


I tend to think of it as more adventure-some... Some people are just motivated in different directions than the rest of y'all.
My biggest fear is that I will be laying at 40-something, about to die, and think: "I wish'd I'da done ---". I hate thinking that I'm gonna miss out on something. Life is too kool to miss anything.

Redneckn
12-22-2005, 04:10 PM
I have this old '79 F-250. It has a 400cid engine and about a 10 ton Rockwell rear axle on it. Loads of fun to drive around. There is no bed on the truck, so I had to put water in the rear tires so it will have traction. Also, there are NO brakes. NONE. NADA. It has a huge solid iron pipe bumper and you have to aim for a tree. The good thing is that you can't drive it more than about 15mph because the water in the tires makes for a really rough ride.

Fellow redneck and myself were out in it 2 years back. We were riding around cutting trails on the west side of the farm. We come to the place where the pond kind of starts. The back field makes a natural drain there. It stays wet most of the time. We have a pretty good mud run thru there for the 4wheelers. So we decided to cross the edge of it in the truck. So, I ease out into the mud and toss it in 3rd and just hammer gas. It comes bailing right out. We decide to get it a little further out. Actually, about 20-25' from the bank. The water is about 3feet deep. I really didnt think the mud was gonna be that soft due to the fact that we have so much red clay around the place. I was wrong. Bad wrong. I had to climb out of the window to get out. Both tractors were at another pasture. We hooked up his f-150 and my GMC and tried to get it out. Did not move. NONE. We broke 2 come-alongs messing with it. And finally I got a chain and tied it around between the rims and put it in reverse. The action of the chain winding up around the tires pulled the truck out of the mud. 4 hours after getting in the mud, we got it out.
Funny thing is that I hit it again the next day. I was going about 30 when I hit the water, about the time I got good and in it, I managed to "jump" gears and went right on thru it. Now, I know how I have to do it to get thru it.


We paid $400 for the truck. So even if we destroy it, we havent lost much. The cab doesnt leak much water. All the windows are there. The front is cracked from a pine tree though. The truck is all black and I have several "Jolly Roger" flags/stickers on it. Loads of fun to drive around and play in.

Red Raiders
12-28-2005, 06:10 PM
I can pretty much promise you that my stuff ain't like theirs.

I got arrested on the side of I-220 in Shreveport when I was 17. They had me standing on the side of the road in 5pm traffic and were seaching me. I got to face traffic wearing Bullwinkle boxers...
That is honestly the only time I have ever been in serious trouble. But it's all good now. When I was in jail I got to me a real serious crazy guy. He was pulling things off of himself that weren't really there. He had cigaretts. I wanted one. So I started telling him that he missed some.. He gave me a smoke for helping him out.


Moral of the story. Don't do anything stupid enough to land yourself in jail. While it may seem funny now, it really was not. That mess followed me around for 3 years. Kept me from doing a lot of stuff. So you young fellas, don't do stupid stuff. And having a crackhead brother is no excuse.

Hahaha! I thought that was funny anyway... maybe I should try it since I am 17 too?

Redneckn
12-28-2005, 10:20 PM
Hahaha! I thought that was funny anyway... maybe I should try it since I am 17 too?


No, don't try it. It never is as easy to do this crap as I make it out to be.

Some good clean fun is to find a corner where one of those "will work for food" people hangs out at. Then make your own signs. Get to that corner before the loser gets there. That is what's known as "Laying off the un-employed". You know your life sucks when you get fired from the job you dont have. If the loser comes up spouting off something, just tell him/her: "look, I didn't want it to be this way, but managment has decided to bring in someone younger with more stamina and vision". If the loser refuses to leave, make yourself a sign that says: "I'm with stupid" and have and arrow pointing in the direction of the loser. Or one that says: "He does the work, I take the money". If anyone asks, tell them the loser is your dad/mom and they he/she has a severe alcohol problem and if you don't get the money, you won't get to eat...Again...


We did the Will work for food sign on the corners of Mansfield road and BertKounsIndustrialLoop in Shreveport some years back. We got a few good laughs from some people, 4 numbers for yard work, 1 girls phone number, and some chicken. We also got escorted from the corner by one of Shreveports finest.

Redneckn
01-09-2006, 04:21 PM
What other kinds of stories y'all want to hear about... I have plenty of time at work right now.. we are slow...

dragons08
01-09-2006, 09:29 PM
What other kinds of stories y'all want to hear about... I have plenty of time at work right now.. we are slow...
with the fire ban and all.. i want to hear fire stories

Xfballphenome05
01-09-2006, 10:55 PM
yes fires.made from fireworks.have any with explosions in them?

dragons08
01-09-2006, 10:56 PM
yes fires.made from fireworks.have any with explosions in them?
dry ice bombs are fun..one blew up in my hand..im sure redneckn's are funnier..

Redneckn
01-09-2006, 11:05 PM
with the fire ban and all.. i want to hear fire stories


GAWD!!! I have a bunch of those.. Honestly, they all started back when I was about 2 and my parents had a little gas station/grocery store in Blanchard. My brother and I discovered matches. If anybody has some pinestraw in their yard, we were certain to discover this and remedy that little problem for them. We were responsible for close to 100 acres being burnt to completion before I was 5.

We had a fort when I was about 9 or so. I was about 12X21 with a 10' roof on it. Made of all pine trees (about average mans arm diameter). The door was on the roof. We (brother) somehow manged to to blow up one of the old type (liquid fuel) Coleman stoves. I almost didnt make it out of that one.

I used to throw out lit cigarettes in the medians along I-220 in Shreveport and Bossier. During the summer, the grass will get really really dry. It's like hay. Will burn up quick.

Worst incident. A few years back brother and I were hauling hay with my dad. We left dad at the field and went to deliver some to a fella pretty far south of Shreveport. I had a 28' trailer with about 14k lb's of hay on it. Was pulling it with my GMC truck. My brother started drinking as soon as we left the field. We got about half way to Logansport and he was drunk. He kept tossing his cig. butts out the window. I asked him several times to stop doing it. He says: "We're going to fast and the wind is carrying it away from the trailer." Wrong! This guy comes flying past us on Hwy5 flashing his lights and pointing to the trailer. I pull off thinking that maybe a bail was about to fall off.. NO. The whole front half of the trailer is on fire. I freak out cause we're out in BFE. My brother gets up there and is trying, for some reason, to put it out with MY jacket. Stupid... I decided to try and drive it back into Keitchi to the fire station. Brother says he is riding with the fire to try and put it out while I'm driving.. Ever messed with fire? Then you know that was dumb. We went maybe a mile and he is screaming and stuff. So I stop. We start pushing the hay that is on fire off the trailer. I managed to set my self on fire, but I did get the bale out of the way of the jack handle. I said: "F this, I'm getting my truck off this trailer." Brother is raising hell because I wont help with the fire. You are not going to just stop bales of hay from burning. Not with some jackets and a six pack. Not gonna happen.
I pull out from the trailer. Somebody had called the FD. They show up. We lost 6 of 12 bales right there on the side of HWY5. The FD foamed the bales for about and hour. I passed by there about4 days later, the bales were still sitting in the ditch smoldering.
That was the last time my brother was allowed to smoke in any of my vehicles. Dad was beyond irate... Way beyond irate...
After the whole thing, my brother looks at me and says: If I'd known the FD was gonna show up, I woulda saved my beer to drink". He got a black eye for that one...

Redneckn
01-09-2006, 11:07 PM
yes fires.made from fireworks.have any with explosions in them?


We blew up a mail box for new years.. Last week...haha.. A brick mailbox. We were trying to shoot several of those "artillery shells" out of one. That idea was a bad one.. Woody's mailbox is in many many little pieces of brick and mortar now...