A Joke. Don't get worked up....

[the_phoenix612]

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy ******** believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.

[STJL41]

Fine by me...

"You may all go to hell, and I will go to Texas." :D

[WestPlano006]

Fine by me...

"You may all go to hell, and I will go to Texas." :D

Quoted by the great Davey Crockett

[RedRage00]

You posted this and don't expect people to get worked up? LOL

You don't know this board...just wait until Slorch, GoOwls, Drgnbker, Hum, and some others get here.

Its going to be good :D

[rocketgrl94]

You posted this and don't expect people to get worked up? LOL

You don't know this board...just wait until Slorch, GoOwls, Drgnbker, Hum, and some others get here.

Its going to be good :D

OH LAAAAWD HELP US!!!!:eek:

[the_phoenix612]

You posted this and don't expect people to get worked up? LOL

You don't know this board...just wait until Slorch, GoOwls, Drgnbker, Hum, and some others get here.

Its going to be good :D

oh I'm aware.

i just wonder if they'll try to refute facts or fall back on ad hominems like usual.

[STJL41]

You posted this and don't expect people to get worked up? LOL

You don't know this board...just wait until Slorch, GoOwls, Drgnbker, Hum, and some others get here.

Its going to be good :D

Well what do you expect when you post a 'joke' that doesn't even have a punch line?

[RedRage00]

Well what do you expect when you post a 'joke' that doesn't even have a punch line?

I thought it was pretty funny. :D

[gtown04]

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this thread gets locked by page 4 :D

[STJL41]

oh I'm aware.

i just wonder if they'll try to refute facts or fall back on ad hominems like usual.

Yes, because everything presented in your first post can be considered a fact :rolleyes:

[the_phoenix612]

and it begins :D

[HUM398]

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy ******** believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.


I thought you'd never ask.

You can have the transsexuals, we will keep our southern bells

You can have your solar powered energy, well take the majority of the refineries.

You can have your nutri-diet system, well keep the majority of the US grain, sugar, cotton, and beef.

You can have the Pac 10, whats left of the ACC (Boston College) and the Big East.....well take the Big 12, SEC, and Most of the ACC

You can have the blue states, WE WILL HAPPILY TAKE TEXAS HS FOOTBALL and the best of College football.

:cool:

[STJL41]

I thought it was pretty funny. :D

meh, I've seen better.

[t-long20]

You posted this and don't expect people to get worked up? LOL

You don't know this board...just wait until Slorch, GoOwls, Drgnbker, Hum, and some others get here.

Its going to be good :D

Don't forget mojotrain,jmsfan,bobcat81

[the_phoenix612]

then we'll get cajun with his idiotic oneliners

btw, ou sucks.

[STJL41]

then we'll get cajun with his idiotic oneliners

btw, ou sucks.

at least we can agree on the important things

[RedRage00]

Don't forget mojotrain,jmsfan,bobcat81

How could I forget them! :eek:

[RedRage00]

then we'll get cajun with his idiotic oneliners

btw, ou sucks.

Yeah, the opinion of an uneducated person. ;)

[slorch]

You posted this and don't expect people to get worked up? LOL

You don't know this board...just wait until Slorch, GoOwls, Drgnbker, Hum, and some others get here.

Its going to be good :D

I'm not worked up, I'm just wondering how all of that venture capital is going to be distributed among all of the :Censor:'ers that are dependent upon their new Gov't.

Also everyone knows the military is 85% from Texas( or at least it seems that way when you're in it) so when the new republic retrieves the 3 people it has in Iraq, i guess they can go protect the soups lines from all of the non workers they also have...

Sure they can have their corrupt ideology without us right-wingers as their conscience, but how can people be successful without a little guilt on their souls?;):D

Honestly, I don't see the new republichaving anything I would want to move there for. I say good riddance, and don't let the door hit ya on the way out. Oh yeah, when canada and mexico's armies cannot protect y'all from hostile invaders, don't call us, we'll be rearming our military and replenishing our stores from a viable and productive populace again, just like the good ole days, before dependency ran rampant!

[slorch]

oh I'm aware.

i just wonder if they'll try to refute facts or fall back on ad hominems like usual.

what facts? all i saw was innuendo and stale connotations from slanted descriptions of the past.

[Favpack]

And, who do they come crying to when a little Earthquake sends them into the ocean? Us, of course.

[the_phoenix612]

I'm not worked up, I'm just wondering how all of that venture capital is going to be distributed among all of the :Censor:'ers that are dependent upon their new Gov't.

Also everyone knows the military is 85% from Texas( or at least it seems that way when you're in it) so when the new republic retrieves the 3 people it has in the military, i guess they can go protect the soups lines from all of the non workers they also have...

Sure they can have their corrupt ideology without us right-wingers as their conscience, but how can people be successful without a little guilt on their souls?;):D

Honestly, I don't see the new republichaving anything I would want to move there for. I say good riddance, and don't let the door hit ya on the way out. Oh yeah, when canada and mexico's armies cannot protect y'all from hostile invaders, don't call us, we'll be rearming our military and replenishing our stores from a viable and productive populace again, just like the good ole days, before dependency ran rampant!

I think we all agree that each part of our country pulls its weight in some way, no?

except for oklahoma.

[okt0ber]

You can have Eliot Spitzer!!!! :eek::eek:

[Winston]

oh I'm aware.

i just wonder if they'll try to refute facts or fall back on ad hominems like usual.

They'll fall back on ad hominems.

[AHSeagles]

They'll fall back on ad hominems.

Figures you're from Ausin...:rolleyes:

[grayowl60]

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy ******** believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.
Would you trade Austin for Colorado?

[Dawg Fan]

interesting what is considered a joke. :rolleyes:

I have been to California and you can keep that POS.

[slorch]

Would you trade Austin for Colorado?

i second that one. we'll throw in el paso if we have to.

[JMSFan]

Don't forget mojotrain,jmsfan,bobcat81

Im glad you think of me. :D

Maybe all the people will flock there, and it will be too much for the land mass to handle, and then California will break away and float out into the ocean.

We can only dream.

[slorch]

I think we all agree that each part of our country pulls its weight in some way, no?

except for oklahoma.

so what does taxachussetts provide? Beaurocracy and cheaters?

[mojotrain]

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy ******** believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.

I'll vote for that, and you get all the low moraled freaks as well as common freaks, the valley of air heads where things are invented that you can't wash off with Bon Ami plus the communist but no oil or gas but the most negative worthless thing your side gets is you .!:) this is a joke.:)

[mojotrain]

then we'll get cajun with his idiotic oneliners

btw, ou sucks.

and you? :) this is a joke?:)

[mojotrain]

what facts? all i saw was innuendo and stale connotations from slanted descriptions of the past.

X9 quotes were phoney then and still are. I think his semester must be over and his pinko teachers can't spoon feed him pravda everyday. This is a joke.:)

[AE 8008]

thats fine. we'll take NASA


you can have all those things you listed...until the government takes them away

[yankee]

on another note...


looks like you lefties are still stuck with "dubya". :rolleyes:

[gtown04]

i second that one. we'll throw in el paso if we have to.


No deal.
I have family in El Paso, don't want to have to get a passport to visit them.


Austin should be enough anyways.

[HebronHawk]

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy ******** believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.

A fight will probably break out between the West Coast and the Northeast for supremacy. Fortunately, you don't have any guns to fight with so nobody will get hurt.

I suggest you keep Obama and Hillary. Don't darken our door with either one of them. You can sort out which version of socialism you want to adopt.

btw, most of the California companies are trying to move to Texas to escape the high taxes and cost of living. We will pick and choose and let the companies we want come over.

We will lengthen our border fence and send you our spare Mexicans.

You can keep Harvard. We will have fine research institutions like Johns Hopkins and Texas A&M University.

Texas is developing a fine wine industry. We will be fine. Since your wine markets will dry up, California will be dying to sell to us. Hopefully, we won't stack tariffs on your wine.

[slorch]

No deal.
I have family in El Paso, don't want to have to get a passport to visit them.


Austin should be enough anyways.


I was thinking they would want something for taking out our trash, so I offered El Paso. I agree, though, that's still kind of steep just to get rid of Austin...:D

[mad_fan]

oh I'm aware.

i just wonder if they'll try to refute facts or fall back on ad hominems like usual.

I'd take the deal...
Then dump the other red states too...
Nuking Austin is not out of the question...
Next...

[mad_fan]

so what does taxachussetts provide? Beaurocracy and cheaters?

A big hole...and the tumor that created it...:eek:

[HUM398]

i second that one. we'll throw in el paso if we have to.

HEY!

I love Austin....can't they just take the liberals? I think ive made the proposal before. The city isn't bad when you don't have cross dresses walking around.

[AHSeagles]

What happened to all 2 of the people who thought the original post in this thread was funny and clever?:D:rolleyes:

[okt0ber]

What happened to all 2 of the people who thought the original post in this thread was funny and clever?:D:rolleyes:

It was kinda dumb, actually.... with misinformation, and it's old. Obviously if they're bragging about having Eliot Spitzer. That man is and always had been a self promotor.

[the_phoenix612]

It was kinda dumb, actually.... with misinformation, and it's old. Obviously if they're bragging about having Eliot Spitzer. That man is and always had been a self promotor.

I stumble upon-ed it today and thought it was funny.

sorry for sharing :mad:

[okt0ber]

I stumble upon-ed it today and thought it was funny.

sorry for sharing :mad:

;)

It's ok C. I forgive you. :cool:

[RedRage00]

What happened to all 2 of the people who thought the original post in this thread was funny and clever?:D:rolleyes:

We have lives...and aren't on 5A all the time.

[okt0ber]

We have lives...and aren't on 5A all the time.

WHATEVER you're on here ALL the time!

[RedRage00]

WHATEVER you're on here ALL the time!

not after 5pm LOL

Plus, I took a 3hour nap after work..now I wont be able to fall asleep. :(

And I just ran 3.5 miles LOL...I really wont be able to sleep! But gotta get the exercise in!

[HUM398]

I stumble upon-ed it today and thought it was funny.

sorry for sharing :mad:

If anything you should be graced with the presence of our posts. We took a vote and decided to give you "pity" posts.

[HUM398]

not after 5pm LOL

Plus, I took a 3hour nap after work..now I wont be able to fall asleep. :(

looking at the clock, and its about 11:12pm...So i really don't know how consistent and reliable your posts are anymore....:D

[RedRage00]

looking at the clock, and its about 11:12pm...So i really don't know how consistent and reliable your posts are anymore....:D

I meant not AS MUCH after 5pm....if so, its usually late at night before bed.

[okt0ber]

not after 5pm LOL

Plus, I took a 3hour nap after work..now I wont be able to fall asleep. :(

And I just ran 3.5 miles LOL...I really wont be able to sleep! But gotta get the exercise in!

You're on here every evening, don't be telling stories.

And every morning. And every afternoon.

[DrEdward]

This could be fun!

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

Didn't we try something like this starting in April, 1861 with almost the same groupings, save for Hawaii and the Pacific Northwest, which, by the way, were bought by a Southern boy at a bargain price and first explored by a pair of Southern boys as well.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

But we also get the midwest and moutain west as well. And we also get Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, Arkansas, Louisiana, plus we get the balance of the red states, which are not former slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
Never been to the Outer Banks of North Carolina or all the beaches around Florida or along the Gulf Coast eh.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

If memory serves, Mr Lay, is no longer with us in Texas or this world for that matter. You are more tha welcome to keep Elliot Spitzer.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

But we also get the Sheandoah Valley, Jackson Square, Walt Disney World and DollyWood as long as we're at it. Busch Gardens, all three of them. And the Alamo. St John's Church and Williamsburg. We can more than match you on landmarks of significance.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

I think WorldCom rather went the way of Mr Lay. Seem like this update is consistent with Microsoft's latest release - not quite up to date.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We also get, among others, Rice, the University of Virginia, UNC, Duke, Vanderbilt... Shall I continue?

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

Roll Tide. But see above list. And no, you get the capitalists, not necessarily the capital. I also seem to recall an entreneur named Dell who gave Intel an outlet for some of their products......

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

And as you of the Blue State coalition have an unending desire to continue to tax everybody in sight and even better, those not in sight, your children and grandchildren, you may well need all the revenues you can get your hands on. We will be more than delighted to be the self-reliant bunch prizing both our political freedom and banding together to achieve our collective objectives when necessary.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Which translates to about a 55% vs 45% divorce rate between the two confederacies. Hmm, sounds like we'll both have our share of single moms and dads to go around. But at least we will be able to find a bunch of ours in church.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

And please be assured that we will grant those sodiers the freedom to express their loyalty as they deem in their own conscience. If they would like to return to the Blue Union, they will certainly be allowed to do so. Since you appear so dead set, so to speak, on killing as many of your unborn as you like, you can certainly hope that they will be interested on going with you rather than staying in God's country.
Yes, we have members of the Christain faith and others as well more than willing to fight and die if necessary in the interests of our country. We Red Staters have had them from the beginning of our history; names like Washington, Lee, Jackson, Nimitz, Macarthur come to mind quite readily. All quite Christian gentlemen who truly believed in living by the New Testament and fighting by the Old.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

We understand that you are quite focused on the immediate and that your personal discount rates approach infinity. Most of us are quite happy that it turned out that Saddam appeared to no longer have such stockpiles of WNDs as the rest of the world thought he likely possessed, since he had actually used them in the not too distant past, including a good many of your resident experts as well.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

Are you planning to dam the Mississippi? If so, the resulting lake is likely to flood a good part of Illinois, depending upon where you decided to place the dam. Obama's supporters will not be happy as that will place some of those wonderful agricultural lands underwater in his home state. But in case you haven't heard, much of the South and the midwest (also part of the new Red State alliance have something of an agricultural heritage as well. We can grow stuff as well. We do have a pretty good supply of coal in Kentucky, and Virginia and a few other states. Depending upon where we decided to build our plants, the prevailing winds will simply blow the smoke out over Washington, DC. Since we won't be paying nearly as much attention to them anymore, no big deal. They become your problem.
We will still have lots of oak and southern yellow pine to build with, since you guys would rather hug the trees than use them anyway. We don't need to serve French wine at dinner, although we certainly have no great problem in doing so. Most of our universities still offer a classical educationa nd we can actually speak French. Just means we will have a far more diverse supply of wines available from home grown sources. The folks in Grapevine will be very happy.
Having attended MIT and lectured at Harvard, I can tell you a dirty little secret of the Ivy League and the Seven Sisters, they can be difficult to get in, but once in, it is almost impoosible to flunk out. Still, I would assume that you are still going to talk to us or at least allow our universitites to talk to your universitites, even if it will now require passports to do so, so please continue to support those private schools. By the way, didn't George Bush, the one you hate so much, receive his education at those Ivy League schools you are so proud of?

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

Geez, are you planning on putting up some sort of electronic wall to block out the televangelists? Otherwise, we don't have to listen to them anymore than you do. Turns out our radios and tvs in Red States American come with on and off buttons, and actually allow you to change the channels to watch what you would like. Otherwise, we can just go watch NASCAR or college football live. Or for that matter, Texas High School football. Sorry, you don't get that. We will just have to suffer throught he hurricanes, but then we can simply collect their rain water to make up and store all those supplies you cut off. Come to think of it, we've been doing stuff like that for a long time in places like our Florida Keys.
See partial list of above universities for what we already get.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

We don't get Hollywood. Thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy ******** believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Yes, we actually believe in the word of God, but of course there are exceptions, even among us. But perhaps you should go back and re-read your Bible, of course assuming that you have one or have ever read it. I thnk the exact creasture doing the swallowing was a "great fish." May have been a whale, but the Bible doesn't explicitly say so. Yes, we believe that human life is sacred and certainly would prefer that some folks would not have to be put out of our misery. Still, that same Bible commands us not to commit murder. So far as most of us are aware, going through the judicial process and being condemned by a jury of ones' peers is not murder. But it would seem that you confuse gun laws with something else. I am unaware that any state red or blue doesn't have gun laws in effect. So perhaps you Blue Staters will simply abandon them all together. Should I also assume that you won't find them useful for the Blue Army? Or are you going to be relying on the Red States to come help you out.
Evolution is indeed a cool theory and it is quite possibly the correct one. Shucks, it may have been the way God went put creating and improving the breed over time. However, we do absolutely believe in God and it would appear that you might believe he is a theory.
Oh and by the way, I don't recall many Red Staters at all who believed that Sadam was responsible for the 9/11 attacks. But I do recall a bunch of Red Staters who were more than willing to help out and sacrifice and pray for our Blue States victims. Further, many of these Red State boys were more than willing to go out and enlist in the combined military to go after those who attacked the United States.
It is really funny that you criticize us and call us :Censor: for alledgedly believing we have higher morals than you, yet it seems to be a Blue State idea to have launched this in the first place, clearly looking down on those of us who celebrate our Red State heritage.

We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Why does this last one not surprise me at all?

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.

[okt0ber]

Way too long.

[RedRage00]

Way too long.

Yeah, I didn't even read it. Its bad enough that he italicized it instead of just bolding it which would have made it easier on the eyes.

[DrEdward]

Way too long.

No problem. I had fun anyway. But it seemed to call for a lot more than a few one liners.

[DrEdward]

Yeah, I didn't even read it. Its bad enough that he italicized it instead of just bolding it which would have made it easier on the eyes.

Okay, I'll change it just for you. :D

[okt0ber]

Okay, I'll change it just for you. :D

ok now i read it lol

[the_phoenix612]

This could be fun!

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

Didn't we try something like this starting in April, 1861 with almost the same groupings, save for Hawaii and the Pacific Northwest, which, by the way, were bought by a Southern boy at a bargain price and first explored by a pair of Southern boys as well.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

But we also get the midwest and moutain west as well. And we also get Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, Arkansas, Louisiana, plus we get the balance of the red states, which are not former slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
Never been to the Outer Banks of North Carolina or all the beaches around Florida or along the Gulf Coast eh.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

If memory serves, Mr Lay, is no longer with us in Texas or this world for that matter. You are more tha welcome to keep Elliot Spitzer.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

But we also get the Sheandoah Valley, Jackson Square, Walt Disney World and DollyWood as long as we're at it. Busch Gardens, all three of them. And the Alamo. St John's Church and Williamsburg. We can more than match you on landmarks of significance.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

I think WorldCom rather went the way of Mr Lay. Seem like this update is consistent with Microsoft's latest release - not quite up to date.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We also get, among others, Rice, the University of Virginia, UNC, Duke, Vanderbilt... Shall I continue?

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

Roll Tide. But see above list. And no, you get the capitalists, not necessarily the capital. I also seem to recall an entreneur named Dell who gave Intel an outlet for some of their products......

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

And as you of the Blue State coalition have an unending desire to continue to tax everybody in sight and even better, those not in sight, your children and grandchildren, you may well need all the revenues you can get your hands on. We will be more than delighted to be the self-reliant bunch prizing both our political freedom and banding together to achieve our collective objectives when necessary.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Which translates to about a 55% vs 45% divorce rate between the two confederacies. Hmm, sounds like we'll both have our share of single moms and dads to go around. But at least we will be able to find a bunch of ours in church.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

And please be assured that we will grant those sodiers the freedom to express their loyalty as they deem in their own conscience. If they would like to return to the Blue Union, they will certainly be allowed to do so. Since you appear so dead set, so to speak, on killing as many of your unborn as you like, you can certainly hope that they will be interested on going with you rather than staying in God's country.
Yes, we have members of the Christain faith and others as well more than willing to fight and die if necessary in the interests of our country. We Red Staters have had them from the beginning of our history; names like Washington, Lee, Jackson, Nimitz, Macarthur come to mind quite readily. All quite Christian gentlemen who truly believed in living by the New Testament and fighting by the Old.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

We understand that you are quite focused on the immediate and that your personal discount rates approach infinity. Most of us are quite happy that it turned out that Saddam appeared to no longer have such stockpiles of WNDs as the rest of the world thought he likely possessed, since he had actually used them in the not too distant past, including a good many of your resident experts as well.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

Are you planning to dam the Mississippi? If so, the resulting lake is likely to flood a good part of Illinois, depending upon where you decided to place the dam. Obama's supporters will not be happy as that will place some of those wonderful agricultural lands underwater in his home state. But in case you haven't heard, much of the South and the midwest (also part of the new Red State alliance have something of an agricultural heritage as well. We can grow stuff as well. We do have a pretty good supply of coal in Kentucky, and Virginia and a few other states. Depending upon where we decided to build our plants, the prevailing winds will simply blow the smoke out over Washington, DC. Since we won't be paying nearly as much attention to them anymore, no big deal. They become your problem.
We will still have lots of oak and southern yellow pine to build with, since you guys would rather hug the trees than use them anyway. We don't need to serve French wine at dinner, although we certainly have no great problem in doing so. Most of our universities still offer a classical educationa nd we can actually speak French. Just means we will have a far more diverse supply of wines available from home grown sources. The folks in Grapevine will be very happy.
Having attended MIT and lectured at Harvard, I can tell you a dirty little secret of the Ivy League and the Seven Sisters, they can be difficult to get in, but once in, it is almost impoosible to flunk out. Still, I would assume that you are still going to talk to us or at least allow our universitites to talk to your universitites, even if it will now require passports to do so, so please continue to support those private schools. By the way, didn't George Bush, the one you hate so much, receive his education at those Ivy League schools you are so proud of?

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

Geez, are you planning on putting up some sort of electronic wall to block out the televangelists? Otherwise, we don't have to listen to them anymore than you do. Turns out our radios and tvs in Red States American come with on and off buttons, and actually allow you to change the channels to watch what you would like. Otherwise, we can just go watch NASCAR or college football live. Or for that matter, Texas High School football. Sorry, you don't get that. We will just have to suffer throught he hurricanes, but then we can simply collect their rain water to make up and store all those supplies you cut off. Come to think of it, we've been doing stuff like that for a long time in places like our Florida Keys.
See partial list of above universities for what we already get.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

We don't get Hollywood. Thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy ******** believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Yes, we actually believe in the word of God, but of course there are exceptions, even among us. But perhaps you should go back and re-read your Bible, of course assuming that you have one or have ever read it. I thnk the exact creasture doing the swallowing was a "great fish." May have been a whale, but the Bible doesn't explicitly say so. Yes, we believe that human life is sacred and certainly would prefer that some folks would not have to be put out of our misery. Still, that same Bible commands us not to commit murder. So far as most of us are aware, going through the judicial process and being condemned by a jury of ones' peers is not murder. But it would seem that you confuse gun laws with something else. I am unaware that any state red or blue doesn't have gun laws in effect. So perhaps you Blue Staters will simply abandon them all together. Should I also assume that you won't find them useful for the Blue Army? Or are you going to be relying on the Red States to come help you out.
Evolution is indeed a cool theory and it is quite possibly the correct one. Shucks, it may have been the way God went put creating and improving the breed over time. However, we do absolutely believe in God and it would appear that you might believe he is a theory.
Oh and by the way, I don't recall many Red Staters at all who believed that Sadam was responsible for the 9/11 attacks. But I do recall a bunch of Red Staters who were more than willing to help out and sacrifice and pray for our Blue States victims. Further, many of these Red State boys were more than willing to go out and enlist in the combined military to go after those who attacked the United States.
It is really funny that you criticize us and call us :Censor: for alledgedly believing we have higher morals than you, yet it seems to be a Blue State idea to have launched this in the first place, clearly looking down on those of us who celebrate our Red State heritage.

We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Why does this last one not surprise me at all?

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.

yeah, we did try this in the 1860s.
As I remember, we kicked y'alls a**es...

[JMSFan]

If you get Eliot Spitzer, then take John Edwards too.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3DuDgofuSsk&feature=user

[HUM398]

yeah, we did try this in the 1860s.
As I remember, we kicked y'alls a**es...

Who is we?????????

YANKEE AMONG US...YANKEE AMONG US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[the_phoenix612]

Who is we?????????

YANKEE AMONG US...YANKEE AMONG US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yankee by birth and by accent.

texan by love of football?

*hides*

[HUM398]

yankee by birth and by accent.

texan by love of football?

*hides*

gross.....

[the_phoenix612]

gross.....

i still hate ou, if it helps?

[HUM398]

i still hate ou, if it helps?

wipes some of the nasty off....

I was wondering what was wrong with you, and now i know.

[the_phoenix612]

wipes some of the nasty off....

I was wondering what was wrong with you, and now i know.

that and the fact that I'm an insane radical liberal atheist?

[GoOwls]

yeah, we did try this in the 1860s.
As I remember, we kicked y'alls a**es...

WE.....???????

You live in freakin' Denton........:eek:

Who do you know who fought for the Union.....?

Kids.....:(

[GoOwls]

oh I'm aware.

i just wonder if they'll try to refute facts or fall back on ad hominems like usual.

A charge of using ad hominem responses coming from you unruly little kids....that is hypocricy at it's finest....and lowest....and most ignorant.

Having a little trouble seeing your reflection in that mirror, huh? ;)

BTW, as for your cute little story....I'd just as soon get rid of the infestation that is the left and right coasts and the Great Lakes region.

Lancing the infected boil that is those areas will take their infections with them.....

[slorch]

that and the fact that I'm an insane radical liberal atheist?

triple negative... and extremely redundant.

[RedRage00]

WE.....???????

You live in freakin' Denton........:eek:

Who do you know who fought for the Union.....?

Kids.....:(

You're in Garland :puke gross

[RedRage00]

Okay, I'll change it just for you. :D

Thanks! That's easier on the eyes!

[BDB]

this is why red needs blue, and blue needs red.

checks and balances within society.

[DrEdward]

yeah, we did try this in the 1860s.
As I remember, we kicked y'alls a**es...

Feel free to be among them once again in Blue America. And let's see, with barely 100 miles to cover and with 10 times the area, 100 times the manpower and a 1000 times the resources (with apologies to Faulkner), it only took you folks 4 years to cover the distance. Not real sure that qualifies as a kicking of any sort. So if you hate us so much, why weren't you happy to just see us leave?

[cajun]

then we'll get cajun with his idiotic oneliners

btw, ou sucks.

Nah, ain't got to worry about cajun in these insignificant threads...:cool:

[shslb15]

Let them take their bad government payed science too. Let us still produce products with out being taxed because of the CO2 emisions we produce because IT HAS NO IMPACT WHAT SO EVER!!! If one of the most respected climatologists/ meterologist who aslo founded the Weather Channel wants a debate with those gov. payed scientists about how much of a hoax global warming is than that should say alot. So Liberals will you PLEASE take global warming, we'll take true science and tax free production

[shslb15]

Also, California you can have the coast, but we'll take the farming areas and areas with all of the resources since THOSE ARE RED!! God I hate dumb people. Look at our country during the 04 election and the entire thing is red except some of the larger cities, and what is there, run down government housing, welfare, and people that agree with universal health care. AND Microsoft would leave the Blue States because they got the biggest screw job EVER! The other computer companies couldn't hack it against the better Microsoft products and so the AWFUL government tried to destroy them with anti trust laws. SPLIT IT, and the Blue states will look just like the US turned into in Atlas Shrugged. All the capitalists will come to the Red because small government and less taxes BENEFIT companies. Also in this new Red country can we have a true capitalist nation and also can we never use green in the same sentence with how we need to live our lives?

[mojotrain]

that and the fact that I'm an insane radical liberal atheist?

True but help is still available. A few weeks back I suggested you try Midland college to further your education and you replied you wouldn't go there because it would cost and you had many cash offers to go to school. Whatever, it's not working for you. So here is something else you might want to look into.
The Texas Higher Education Board has ranked UTPB in Odessa as the top public unversity when it comes to graduates who either find jobs in their fields or go on to graduate school. Those in Medical and accounting fields were the ones mentioned. UTPB opens up with it's first engineering schools in the fall semester.

Just so you can figure out where you are, here is a partial list.

UTPB @ 93.5 percent.
North Texas @ 86.4
UTEP @ 79.9

I think I could help you get into UTPB. But you would need to keep your political and religious preference to youself. UTPB wouldn't mind but the student body, made up of a lot of rednecks from Odessa/Midland might take exception to your ideas. I'll even help you get started in a church.

You really should consider it.

[toonman]

Yes - but we still got oil here in Texas. Right? At least that's what I saw when I went to Odessa last year!!!!!!!

[yankee]

Who is we?????????

YANKEE AMONG US...YANKEE AMONG US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there is surely nothing wrong with that.

[the_phoenix612]

True but help is still available. A few weeks back I suggested you try Midland college to further your education and you replied you wouldn't go there because it would cost and you had many cash offers to go to school. Whatever, it's not working for you. So here is something else you might want to look into.
The Texas Higher Education Board has ranked UTPB in Odessa as the top public unversity when it comes to graduates who either find jobs in their fields or go on to graduate school. Those in Medical and accounting fields were the ones mentioned. UTPB opens up with it's first engineering schools in the fall semester.

Just so you can figure out where you are, here is a partial list.

UTPB @ 93.5 percent.
North Texas @ 86.4
UTEP @ 79.9

I think I could help you get into UTPB. But you would need to keep your political and religious preference to youself. UTPB wouldn't mind but the student body, made up of a lot of rednecks from Odessa/Midland might take exception to your ideas. I'll even help you get started in a church.

You really should consider it.


actually, I was offered a job working at UTPB's nuclear research facility.

But nanotech is more fun.

Y'know, its something I might look into, but I have a very good chance at going to much more prestigious/respected institutions....

[JMSFan]

actually, I was offered a job working at UTPB's nuclear research facility.

But nanotech is more fun.

Y'know, its something I might look into, but I have a very good chance at going to much more prestigious/respected institutions....

one of them there " elitist " schools, huh? :)

[HUM398]

there is surely nothing wrong with that.

Oh, really....

I beg to differ.

[mojotrain]

actually, I was offered a job working at UTPB's nuclear research facility.

But nanotech is more fun.

Y'know, its something I might look into, but I have a very good chance at going to much more prestigious/respected institutions....

I would think the challenge to help put UTPB on the list of those prestigious/respected instutions might be more than you could resist. Andrews might be your home. I know they would love to have you.

[the_phoenix612]

I would think the challenge to help put UTPB on the list of those prestigious/respected instutions might be more than you could resist. Andrews might be your home. I know they would love to have you.

what, do you own stock in this college or something? :p

[okt0ber]

what, do you own stock in this college or something? :p

What's wrong with UTPB? I've heard it's a really good school....

[the_phoenix612]

What's wrong with UTPB? I've heard it's a really good school....

didnt say there was anything wrong with it.
im looking it up right now.

[mojotrain]

what, do you own stock in this college or something? :p

No, But I do believe UTPB is another needed part of diversication needed in the Permian Basin. It's insurance for Odessa/Midland and the Permian Basin.

[slorch]

No, But I do believe UTPB is another needed part of diversication needed in the Permian Basin. It's insurance for Odessa/Midland and the Permian Basin.

You can't use our word without our permission, and certainly not to describe your economic development!

signed,
The PC Crowd and the Lunatic Left

[GoOwls]

You're in Garland :puke gross

Focus.........Fo-cusssssssssss

There now......stay on topic and answer the question......no more AD HOMINEM responses....OK.....:D

[78 Spartan]

Lord, we can only hope that California would pull such a stunt. I doubt very many of the other 49 states would object.

[BDB]

Lord, we can only hope that California would pull such a stunt. I doubt very many of the other 49 states would object.

you're livin in a shelled world if you really think that the majority of the 49 other states in the union wouldn't try to stop 'em. the same goes for if texas were to try to leave.

hell im pretty sure some would mind if oklahoma tried to leave the union (yea, i had to add that in there :D)