Matthew 2000 Eagle
11-09-2007, 08:59 PM
Print and give copy to each guests that enters your home.
10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. 'Who made the
potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat
in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind
of pie is that? Who made it? & Ask one more question and I will
punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able
to
eat anything.
2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your *** down
until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for
you
to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you
over
until someone makes you a plate.
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their
little a$$es to the basement an d bring their food down to them. They are
not
gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not
allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family
stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any
reason
except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in
their
a$$es!
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE!
We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave
birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that
talk
for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one
minute.
If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel
something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for
approximately
20 minutes.
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If
you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy *** home
next year!
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself
a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it
again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me
catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my
house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE
SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call
every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll
call,
your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After
24
hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant a$$!!
9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no
sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your
*** home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE HELL OUT AT 11:00
pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner!
You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the
appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be
a cash
register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ***
family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now
being
accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!
10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. 'Who made the
potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat
in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind
of pie is that? Who made it? & Ask one more question and I will
punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able
to
eat anything.
2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your *** down
until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for
you
to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you
over
until someone makes you a plate.
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their
little a$$es to the basement an d bring their food down to them. They are
not
gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not
allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family
stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any
reason
except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in
their
a$$es!
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE!
We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave
birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that
talk
for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one
minute.
If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel
something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for
approximately
20 minutes.
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If
you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy *** home
next year!
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself
a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it
again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me
catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my
house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE
SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call
every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll
call,
your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After
24
hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant a$$!!
9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no
sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your
*** home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE HELL OUT AT 11:00
pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner!
You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the
appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be
a cash
register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ***
family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now
being
accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!