Hell

[dada]

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a
University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off
heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and
heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at
which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many
souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not
a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that
in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature
and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teressa
during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day
in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account
the fact that I slept with her last night, then number
two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary
of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and
is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven,
thereby proving the existence of a divine being
which explains why, last night, Teressa kept shouting
"Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

[CLFalcon2006]

is there anything higher than an a+?

[slorch]

yes, it starts with, "oh"

[twcpfan1]

...is where you think you're in if you're actively participating in the KTYEAHHEGAY thread.

[Dawg Fan]

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a
University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off
heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and
heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at
which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many
souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not
a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that
in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature
and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teressa
during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day
in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account
the fact that I slept with her last night, then number
two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary
of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and
is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven,
thereby proving the existence of a divine being
which explains why, last night, Teressa kept shouting
"Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Classic!!:D

[slorch]

this reminds me of sophomore biology class. I swear I'm not making this up.
The teacher, who was a vietnam vet, but very laid back with the kids, very popular with the students, was treading his way through human reproduction and the different physical apperatus we all have. He started talking about the composition of semen. So much of it was the sperm, so much was water, and how it was filled with sugars to help the sperm live.

out of the back of the class, a girl asks, " Then why does it taste so salty?"

I think we all just about passed out from laughing.

[Firebird]

this reminds me of sophomore biology class. I swear I'm not making this up.
The teacher, who was a vietnam vet, but very laid back with the kids, very popular with the students, was treading his way through human reproduction and the different physical apperatus we all have. He started talking about the composition of semen. So much of it was the sperm, so much was water, and how it was filled with sugars to help the sperm live.

out of the back of the class, a girl asks, " Then why does it taste so salty?"

I think we all just about passed out from laughing.


I'm calling you out on the veracity of this story:

http://www.snopes.com/college/risque/salty.asp

Do not trifle with Firebird and Snopes.

[slorch]

I'm calling you out on the veracity of this story:

http://www.snopes.com/college/risque/salty.asp

Do not trifle with Firebird and Snopes.

OK so they were in my class? Rider high about 1987my sophomore year.

True bro. It happened,

Stick it in your snopes...:eek:

i read that deal before too.

[Firebird]

OK so they were in my class? Rider high about 1987my sophomore year.

True bro. It happened,

Stick it in your snopes...:eek:

i read that deal before too.


If so, it is an amazing coincidence that what actually happened in your class is the exact same thing (almost down to the wording) as supposedly happened in an internet legend that has been circulated to millions of unsuspecting inboxes.

[slorch]

If so, it is an amazing coincidence that what actually happened in your class is the exact same thing (almost down to the wording) as supposedly happened in an internet legend that has been circulated to millions of unsuspecting inboxes.

maybe my classmates tell good stories?

Ok it didn't happen. i lied, in order to look good on the interweb.

My bad, please forgive me...



For that matter punch in the word"Slorch" on an urban legends deal or snopes.

We started using the word around 1990, a couple other jarheads and I, then i saw it on an urban dictionary. It was exactly what we meant it to be.

How do you think these things get started?

Here let me get Mr McElvain's cell phone so you can verify it. I have everyone's number I ever met so I can verify my personal experiences.

if my word's not good enough, I'm just not good enough, bro. You win. It never happened.

[Firebird]

Did I ever tell you what happened to this friend of mine? Totally true story.

She was babysitting these kids, and she kept getting creepy phone calls. She got so scared, that she called the cops, and they agreed to trace where the calls were coming from. As soon as she got the next one, she hung up. The cops called, and they said, get out of the house, because it is coming from upstairs. She ran out, and they found a guy in the house with a knife.

Please, dude. At least admit when you passed on a good story as "happening to you." It's still a good story.

[slorch]

Did I ever tell you what happened to this friend of mine? Totally true story.

She was babysitting these kids, and she kept getting creepy phone calls. She got so scared, that she called the cops, and they agreed to trace where the calls were coming from. As soon as she got the next one, she hung up. The cops called, and they said, get out of the house, because it is coming from upstairs. She ran out, and they found a guy in the house with a knife.

Please, dude. At least admit when you passed on a good story as "happening to you." It's still a good story.

when have I not been straight up on here?

screw your authoritarian attitude. If you don't believe me then that's how it is, but don't be implying stuff or telling me what I should admit to.

Just like a chick on a honeymoon, I have no reason to fake it.

[Firebird]

OK, you win. You were actually there in 1987 when a famous urban legend actually happened. Whatever dude. I invented the internet.

[rwilleby]

I think I see how things get out of hand around here...

[slorch]

OK, you win. You were actually there in 1987 when a famous urban legend actually happened. Whatever dude. I invented the internet.

it says they got their info from Cosmo 1992.

I am embarrassed that you believe Cosmo over me.

Dude, I've enjoyed talking to you since I've been on the board. I guess it took you this long to expose me as a fraud(almost 2 years)

I went to Rider from 85-88. It's been in my profile forever.

believe Cosmo over me, your choice.

[Firebird]

it says they got their info from Cosmo 1992.

I am embarrassed that you believe Cosmo over me.

Dude, I've enjoyed talking to you since I've been on the board. I guess it took you this long to expose me as a fraud(almost 2 years)

I went to Rider from 85-88. It's been in my profile forever.

believe Cosmo over me, your choice.


I'm not calling you a fraud. I'm saying that I think you passed on a great story as "happening to you" because, let's face it, it's better that way. I've done it before. Lots of people have done it before. Storytelling would be a lots art if people didn't do it. I look at it like those "preacher stories" that you get sometimes from the pulpit. No harm, no foul....just funny to catch someone on it.

[slorch]

I'm not calling you a fraud. I'm saying that I think you passed on a great story as "happening to you" because, let's face it, it's better that way. I've done it before. Lots of people have done it before. Storytelling would be a lots art if people didn't do it. I look at it like those "preacher stories" that you get sometimes from the pulpit. No harm, no foul....just funny to catch someone on it.

Yeah, i saw Good Will Hunting too...

Thanks, Sean.

[Firebird]

Yeah, i saw Good Will Hunting too...

Thanks, Sean.

This reference has soared completely above my head.....I saw Good Will Hunting in the theater when it came out and can only remember Matt Damon sobbing in Robin Williams' monkey arms. That's about it.

[rwilleby]

Good movie... "Do you like Apples? Well I got her number, how about those Apples?"

[K-Rock]

I was readind a thread the other day about a kid who answered some science question. The whole thing was dumb. I feel dumber for having read it. http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Sad/sad-025.gif

[slorch]

If so, it is an amazing coincidence that what actually happened in your class is the exact same thing (almost down to the wording) as supposedly happened in an internet legend that has been circulated to millions of unsuspecting inboxes.

I've been rehearsing it so I could get the wording right... after 20 years, i decided to put the truth on the net...

[slorch]

This reference has soared completely above my head.....I saw Good Will Hunting in the theater when it came out and can only remember Matt Damon sobbing in Robin Williams' monkey arms. That's about it.

Robin Williams' character was "Sean" and he busted Will in a situation (and gave him the speech you gave me )about the stewardess running to the front of the plane to take care of the pilot, and Will had never been on a plane.

[slorch]

I was readind a thread the other day about a kid who answered some science question. The whole thing was dumb. I feel dumber for having read it. http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Sad/sad-025.gif

you didn't get dumber, let me assure you.:D

[LUFPAN]

Excellent....lmbo.

[K-Rock]

I would expect nothing less from low brow tech and panther fans. When you learn to walk without dragging your knuckles on the ground, then you might be qualified to discuss my intelligence. Until then, keep up the Hooked on Phonics.

[Dds115]

I invented the internet.

Is that really you Mr. Gore?!?!?!

[SLC93]

yes, it starts with, "oh"

:D

[SLC93]

this reminds me of sophomore biology class. I swear I'm not making this up.
The teacher, who was a vietnam vet, but very laid back with the kids, very popular with the students, was treading his way through human reproduction and the different physical apperatus we all have. He started talking about the composition of semen. So much of it was the sperm, so much was water, and how it was filled with sugars to help the sperm live.

out of the back of the class, a girl asks, " Then why does it taste so salty?"

I think we all just about passed out from laughing.

I just peed a little.:eek: :D

[whs08]

Man do I hate proofs!

[SLC93]

Yeah, i saw Good Will Hunting too...

Thanks, Sean.

Nice reference.

[LPMOM]

I would expect nothing less from low brow tech and panther fans. When you learn to walk without dragging your knuckles on the ground, then you might be qualified to discuss my intelligence. Until then, keep up the Hooked on Phonics.

let me rephrase slorcs' "you didn't get any dumber" to "it's impossible for you to get any dumber!":eek:

[DrEdward]

OK, you win. You were actually there in 1987 when a famous urban legend actually happened. Whatever dude. I invented the internet.

It is a really funny story no matter what. But we all know that AL Gore invented the Internet and that I am the guy who managed to keep it deregulated and free of taxes for the most part.

[jrock210]

lol here's a link to dumb answers on tests.
http://www.oftenwrong.net/2007/02/23/best-test-answers-ever/

[F18mustang]

lol here's a link to dumb answers on tests.
http://www.oftenwrong.net/2007/02/23/best-test-answers-ever/


Thats hilarious!

[jrock210]

I know especially the first one.